so i had this dream about katy perry…

"jessica, will you do me a favor? i'd *reeeeeally* appreciate it."

yeah. i did. and it was hot. i mean, it was really really hot.

you wanna know why it was hot? ok, i’ll tell you:

it was hot b/c…
she asked me to…
to…
to……..

dog sit for her. DOG SIT HER HUGE-ASS DOG. and i had to run around chasing it. which made me hot.

i wish it was a hot dream for different reasons, but it wasn’t. no, katy perry, fresh off my gimme list, asked me to dog sit her large dog. it was black and grey brindle and appropriately named, get this, Pepper.  yeah. Pepper the Dog.

 (note: i have no idea if katy perry even *has* a dog. i made this entire thing up. yes, i am that creative.)

pepper was like a…pit/great dane mix. pepper was huuuuuge and somewhat intimidating, but, apparently, also a gentle giant. i don’t remember too much from the dream, but i do remember chasing pepper all around. i also remember asking katy perry for her cell number in case i needed to get a hold of her while she was gone (of course i had no details about, you know, how long she’d be gone and how long i’d be dog sitting) and ask her pepper-related questions.

she hemmed and hawed about giving it to me and i was like, katy, i’m only asking you so i can call you in the event that there’s a problem with pepper.

she was going to give me her secondary cell phone number. she hemmed and hawed some more, while, i’m like, sweating, from chasing friggin huge-ass pepper around.

then she starts saying that maybe she’d give me her publicist’s cell number. (as i former publicist and a current journalist i know that the actual chances of me getting in touch w/her in the event of a real pepper emergency was slim to none.)

despite her scorching hottness, i’m losing my cool at this point. i’m like, katy, i only want your cell number in case there’s a problem with pepper. i am *not* going to stalk you. i’ve had cyndi lauper’s home number for years (this is true; i interviewed her years ago and for whatever reason, her publicist provided her home number, which was pretty weird) and i’ve been a huge fan of hers since i was a little kid and i haven’t called her since then. please. just give me your cell number.

i think i woke up shortly thereafter, so i’m not sure if she caved or what. i’m telling you, i’ve been laughing about this dream for a friggin week. mostly due to the fact that i came up with such a great dog name (Pepper! how cute is that??! esp. for a black & grey dog!) and i had such a truly un-hot dream featuring katy perry. i mean, dog sitting? really?? my subconscious really couldn’t do any better than that? c’mon.

next i’ll have a dream about going grocery shopping with drew barrymore. (which, btw, i totally would if she asked me.) or getting starbucks with rihanna. or washing windows with fergie. of course the bucket could fall off the ladder…and then our t-shirts would get wet and… oh who the hell am i kidding. we’d probably be using windex.