how many shows do we need about new jersey?

YO! (the cast of jersey shore)

i mean, srsly, ppl. how many? and i am from jersey, so it’s not like i’m a hater but please!

it’d be one thing if the show painted my home state (granted i haven’t lived there in a long time but still) in a fairly positive light. but no. the women chosen for these “reality” shows all come off like loud-mouthed trash-talkin bee-atches (that are always unnaturally tan with unusually large hair) and the guys are roid-raging half the time, wear way too much hair gel–and are also unnaturally tan…with unusually large and startlingly stiff hair.

so, the shows: first we had bravo’s “the real housewives of new jersey,” which, i must admit, i have never actually watched b/c it looks like a total trainwreck and…i just can’t. i’ve seen enough of it in commercials and previews to know i just won’t like it and i’ll get disgusted and also feel embarrassed about my connection to the garden state. (i also get my one and only “housewives” fix via the nyc housewives, which, omg, i don’t know why but i love. holly does, too.)

[funny note: we were participating in a community yard sale/block party yesterday and we sold a coffee table to this one nice lady and her husband. she was new to the city (from md’s eastern shore) and of course i thought she said jersey shore b/c, as per usual, i wasn’t 100% paying attention) and i was like HEY I’M FROM JERSEY and once we cleared up the discrepancy, she said, “you know, i thought you were from new jersey. you look like a jersey girl. you look like that one girl from ‘the real housewives of new jersey.’ i forget her name. she’s cute but she’s mean.” i was like, “oh.” i still have no idea who she’s talking about and i don’t know how to feel about it. anyway, i digress.]

then we had mtv’s “jersey shore.” i’ve already talked a little about “jersey shore” here at lunch at 11:30, namely how huuuuge snookie’s hair is and how she must use bumpits to get it looking so…bulbous. that show’s like crack. you see it once and you have to watch the whole damn marathon (heaven forbid you get sucked into one of those). i’m not going to even get into “jersey shore,” b/c unless you live under a rock, you already know all about it.

and now we have the newest one: “jersey couture,” on oxygen, which is about–and i quote, from the oxygen website–a New Jersey family who runs one of the Garden State’s most sought-after destinations for extravagant women’s formal wear. The Scalis (aka Jersey’s First Family of Fashion) reveal how their tight-knit family manages to live and work together while running their glamorous, over-the-top dress shop, Diane & Co.

as my late grandmother would say: oy.

i’d like to know what you all think of the sudden influx of over-the-top jersey-based reality shows. i’m esp. interested in hearing from my jersey peeps. are they good, bad or just plain ugly??

jersey housewives: "no you DID'INT!"

"no YOU did'int!"

jersey couture: oh my gawd lookit awl those dresses

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snookie must use Bumpits to get her hair that huge

NO YOU DID'INT! snookie from mtv's "jersey shore."

that’s what i’ve decided. if you don’t know who snookie is–that’s Snookie, capital S; she’s an actual person tho her nickname makes her sound like a…a cream-filled cookie or something–you must not watch “jersey shore,” the latest reality (i.e. “reality”) show from mtv. holly started watching repeats of it, then the new episodes, a few weeks ago and honestly, it’s like a train wreck. you can’t look away! if it’s on and you’re in earshot of the tv, you have to watch it. more on that in a bit.  

anyway, about that hair. it is. so. high. so high! i keep thinking that girl has *got* to be using Bumpits!  

have you heard of Bumpits? it’s this made-for-tv product to boost up your hair. (ok “boost” is an understatement. it makes your hair look like a small-to-medium sized rodent is nesting in it.) “hair volumizing inserts,” the website reads. “from flat to fabulous.”  

here are some photos for background:  

Bumpits: huge, happy hair. these are the inserts.

the result. i really have no words. (scratch "small-to-medium rodent nesting in hair." change to "raccoon and/or possum.")

anyway, i guess you see my point.  

so about the show. right, so i was all, “oh my gosh, HOLLY. how on EARTH can you watch that TRASH?!” and holly was like, “aw, c’mon babe! it’s awesome!” and then i got sucked into it merely by being near the tv while it was on and now i have to say it’s pretty damn fun. essentially, it’s about goin’ out, gettin tan, hookin up. also workin out. and doin’ hair.  

the cast was on the today show this morning, and they were like, yo, meredith, we’re just a buncha young people havin a good time and gettin tan and hookin up and doin our hair. as for negative stereotypes of italian-americans (ppl have been freaking out that the show perpetuates negative stereotypes about italian-americans), i have to say that if you think all italian-americans are like the kids on “jersey shore,” that’s pretty pathetic. i grew up with about 95 percent italian kids in north jersey (i love italians so much it’s like i’m half a person when they’re not around), and sure, some of them are “guidos” and “guidettes,” but speaking as someone jewish and gay (both minorities), yeah, a lot of jews are doctors and lawyers and sure, some gay women dress a little butch and some gay men may have feminine “affectations,” but not all us are and not all of us do. (plus i’ve met a fair share of guidos/guidettes that are far from italian.) so there’s my rant. get over it. it’s all in good fun.  

transitioning a little, the show has helped my relationship as it gives holly further insight into my cultural background.  

“babe, i’m really starting to understand you more,” she said after the show ended one night. i thought she was going to start a deep conversation. but no.  

 “those girls never shut up! they’re like ‘ba ba BA ba ba BA!’ [she made the universal one-hand-opening-and-closing-like-a-person-that-doesn’t-shut-up symbol as she said this. i kind of felt like slapping her hand down but i didn’t.] no wonder you never know when to stop. you’re a jersey girl!”  

 exactly. that’s what i’ve been trying to tell her all along! that’s my home state, ppl! CAN I GET A WHAT-WHAT! HOLLA!!!