Tag Archives: hair

you’re going to think i’m a total bee-atch for saying this

but my feelings for holly change when she’s in serious need of a haircut.

she knows i feel this way, so it’s not like she’s going to be mad when she finds out i wrote this (i told her i was going to anyway; geesh, ppl, cut me some slack willya?)  i mean, i still love her. but there’s just something that happens to her–her face, at least, and her general demeanor (at least in my demented mind)–when her usually short hair gets somewhat overgrown.

“why do you look so grumpy today, babe?” i’ll say to her on those days, or, heaven forbid, weeks before a long-overdue haircut.

“i’m not grumpy!”

“you’re not?”

“no!”

(my pestering, of course, leads to imminent grumpiness, which i can usually alleviate by suggesting we rent a movie or go buy ice cream or something.)

“are you  mad at me?” i’ll also ask.

“no! why do you think i’m mad at you?”

“b/c you look mad.”

“i’m not mad!”

(and then she sometimes gets mad.)

holly’s hair is not long by any stretch of the imagination. (you can see proof of that by looking here) but when it grows out i it’s like i can’t see her face!  i love her eyes. oh those big brown eyes. i just feel like i can’t see them as well when her hair gets “long.” you’d think she was a sheepdog the way i’m talking about this.

anyway, i feel a great deal of relief when she finally gets her hair cut at our salon in dc. (shout out to our peeps at BANG! whadDUP!!!) her eyes look so big and brown again and her face, oh that cute little face, it’s mine oh mine again. suddenly she looks cheery and i have my holly back.

she just got her hair cut on tuesday and i am still on cloud nine. she’ll be lovable for about…ohhh…three or four weeks. then i’ll start asking her why she looks so doggone grumpy again.

“it’s like it happens overnight,” holly just said to me [we’re sitting next to each other on our couch right now; she’s looking over my shoulder as i write this (go’way, babe! i’m trying to write!)]

“i think having overgrown hair actually makes you grumpy,” i just said to her

“no! it doesn’t!” she’s saying. “it’s you telling me i look grumpy that makes me grumpy!”

i think we’re at an impasse here. whatever, i’m just happy to see your face again.

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my hair was enormous this weekend

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me, without my flat iron. (also, apparently without a top.) "it's the humidity!"

there’s no two ways about it. it was simply…gigantic. to the point where i wondered out loud how holly could love me, a girl with such enormous hair. [holly, perhaps the most non-judgemental person i’ve ever come across in my entire life when it comes to someone’s looks, only laughs and shakes her head at this. it’s truly only once in a while when she makes a Medusa comment–um, yeah, that’s the mythical greek goddess/monster (?) who had curly, scary snake hair (as in: real live snakes; see photo above. most representations of said mythical bad hair lady are scary so i found a kind of hott one). and to be fair, i actually made the first crack to her about it years ago (actually i think my brother made that crack back in the 80s??!), so she was following my lead.]

the size of my hair was due in no small part to the official-non-official start of summer: memorial day. the baltimore/dc area is renowned for its humidity. and the heat starts early here. being new homeowners, we have to get our air conditioning unit checked (i think you have to get it checked every two years? and this is our third summer in our once-crackhouse) and our good ol hvac (heating/ventilation/air-conditioning) company hasn’t called us back yet, so we’re relying on the meager breezes coming thru our rowhouse windows and ceiling fans to cool us down and um, yeah. it’s not working.

so not only did i not straighten my hair this long wkend [why bother? it was just us two and we were doing homeowner/maintenance stuff all weekend. plus that’s why *hats* were created and i do love me some hats! (i’m wearing my fave  in my “about jessica” bio pic)] but i sweated to the oldies all wkend long. meaning: i glanced at our digital thermostat numerous times (ok, every time i passed it) and it read, at its highest…. (gulp)….87 degrees. (silence) i know. so i tried covering my huge hair up with bandanas (this, holly as well as the girls in my book club will tell you, only makes me look like i’m in a “latina gang,” of which there are probably at least a couple in our neighborhood. my perpetual frosty lipstick only adds to the effect), did the tried-and-true-big-sunglasses-casually-pushing-big-hair-back move, headbands, even a discarded t-shirt sleeve (we make our own cool punkrock tshirts in our household 😉 ) but nothing worked. instead, i guess i sort of embraced its hugeness over the holiday. and i am a stronger person b/c of this. 

while our a-c may not be on at this time, there are loads of ppl in our neighborhood that don’t have a-c at all, which leads to some interesting daytime, and, unfortunately, nighttime, stoop/street activity. (the sort that makes it downright hard to sleep with the windows open at night, which we are doing out of necessity these days) goodness gracious, i don’t even know where to start. it’s all blending together….was the naked old man hanging out his second-floor window this past weekend or some recent weeknight?? (he told us he just got off a spaceship. he’s a drunk, but a nice one. and no, i’m not lying. you can’t make this sh*t up!) i couldn’t even tell you, i don’t even remember. but i’m going to think about it and get back to all of you later.

some notes on my hair over the years

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i’ve had a lot of hairstyles in my 30 years. but these days, it’s longer than ever. i’m so happy about this that, yes, i’ve decided to devote a whole entry to it. and here’s how i’ve been wanting to start it off:

i love having hair long enough that i can pull it around to my nose and smell my shampoo. when you have short/shortish hair (which i had for years), you never know how your shampoo/conditioner smells in your hair! it’s true, oh come on, girls (and some guys), you know it’s true. and if you’re reading this and you have long hair, don’t even tell me you don’t get a secret thrill out of breathing in the scent of your wonderful-smelling hair.

i noticed this over the summer after i started using probably the best-smelling shampoo/conditioner ever (matrix’s sleek look line. and i promise i’m not getting paid to say that. hell, i wish i was! matrix, are you reading this?? i will be your new spokesperson!). maid of honor (moh)/bff nicolina was visiting from the west coast. we were outside walking around, maybe waiting to cross the street? and she was like, “omg, your hair smells soooo good.” and i was like “OMG RILLY?” and then i took a handful, pulled it around to my nose and was like, omg, it does. and omG it’s so long. like all the sudden it hit me. [i’ve since sent nicole her very own bottles and will randomly get txt msgs along the lines of “omg my so hair smells so good! omg ijs.” (hi nicole! omg ily ijs ttys!)

the whole thing’s got me thinking about all the hairstyles i’ve had, many of them, looking back on it now (20/20 hindsight, i always say), bad. the photo above, i will sheepishly admit, wasn’t taken all that long ago. it’s from my “bad weave” facebook album. yeah, i decided to get pinkish-purplish extensions. they quickly lost their color. and i quickly proceeded to fry them with my one-inch flat iron [yes, i have curly hair; i straighten it w/a 400 degree flat iron almost every day (luckily, i’ve got it down to a science and it doesn’t take too long)]. they became frazzled, puffy, awful things. holly has always been supportive of my hair adventures, but this was the only time she ever downright disapproved. before they even got terrible-looking, she was like, “honey, i feel like i don’t even know you anymore. i don’t like them.” i was like: woh. this is bad.

i took matters into my own hands and removed them on my own. bad decision. i won’t give you details, but i think i’ve got a bald spot somewhere on my head, tho i haven’t been brave enough to really look. whatever. they’re out now. i’m much happier. so is holly. and i shall say: never again.

i think i told you about the year my hair was so big (ha, i’m starting to chuckle as i write this) that it didn’t fit w/in the frame of my school photo (that was also The Year of the Knot So Big That Mom Had to Team Up With Grandma to Comb it Out; baaaaad year). it was second grade, i think, and  i decided to ignore what was written on the bottles in shower and i think i was using conditioner instead of shampoo (cause and effect re: huge, photo-frame-defying hair). (my mom was so nice and said, “i think we won’t buy copies of your school photo this year.” and i–clueless, as always–was like, “ok.”)

when i was three years old, i decided i wanted to cut my hair “like my brother’s.”  (i know: gay.) i have a distinct memory of standing in my room with child-size scissors, snipping at my bangs. my mom was calling for me, asking what i was doing. soon i was standing in front of her downstairs (in elastic waistband pants and velcro sneeks) as she asked me–probably trying not to laugh–what i’d done. i’d cut my hair just like my brother’s, i explained. (an art teacher, my mom’s always believed in us kids expressing our creativity, so it’s not like i got in trouble or anything. plus, what was she going to do about it after the fact? i also cut the sleeves off one of her sweaters around that time. i was one of those kids who “got into things.” more stories for another day.)

i’ve done it curly and i’ve done it straight. did the whole angled, short-in-the-back-longer-in-the-front thing in the mid-90s (another bad look). i tried, desperately, to tease and spray my bangs up like all the cool italian girls (i’d say 75 percent of the kids i grew up with were italian) did back in the late 80s, early 90s. (that also failed miserably, as my thick, eastern european hair was just to heavy to, er, stay up like that.) then in ’99 i decided to just go whole-hog and cut it all off [see below (i know. the photo’s crooked. i’ve basically never scanned anything in my life except two photos and that’s one of them); and yes! ani difranco w/me! (in the basement bar of dc’s 9:30 club) i interviewed her for our college newspaper back in the day. she was extremely nice and generally awesome.) which was fun, but boring (my hair, not the interview). plus growing it out was another disaster. (can you say, um, jew fro??? yeah, notsofun, growin’ out a ‘pixie cut’ when you have said thick, curly eastern european hair)

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i must say, at the moment, i’m happy with my hair, and have absolutely no plans to cut it anytime soon. i also must give three snaps in a z formation to holly for standing by my side the past 7.5 yrs as i went thru at least 10 different styles and quite a few colors (including the whole kelly clarkson chunky stripe thing. so outdated and so expensive and such high maintenance (esp. the red; yes i had the red. oy.). thanks for loving me thru the thick (hair) and the thin. also really bad extensions. and probably a bald spot or two. but like i said, i’m not certain about that and i’m really not all that interested in checking.

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