Category Archives: Uncategorized

i never told you the shampoo story

haha. i’m laughing just thinking about it.

i told you the other day about holly’s low-maintenance-ness when it comes to girlie stuff. she is particular, however, about the shampoo she uses. i mean, she’s not as bad as me. but she does care. anyway, we went to our favorite beauty supply store (Ulta–she dreads when we go there together b/c i love to walk around and around under the bright lights and ooh and ahh at all the sparkly eyeshadows and leopard-print straightening irons and spritz about a million different perfumes on those shake-em-like-a-poloroid-picture paper test strips; it’s way better than sephora b/c there’s no annoying sales ppl wearing those annoying gloves so it feels more casual) a couple weeks ago b/c she needed more shampoo. i took the opportunity, of course, to buy more frosty lipstick (buy one-get one; girls, can you really blame me??) since it seems to be my goal to have a tube in every coat pocket and every bag that i own.

anyway, the shampoo she likes is this citrus-mint (see above). it’s a pretty green color in a clear plastic bottle. technically it’s a “guys” brand but she goes by smell (and performance but mostly smell it seems like) and this one smells best. (like i said, low-maintenance) it was $8.99 for a small bottle but something like $10.99 for a larger one.

“let’s get the larger one,” i said. “it’s way cheaper.” (i love a good deal.)

it seemed oddly cheap but whatever, you know? so we bought it (and the lipstick) and went on our way.

so a week or so goes by, and holly’s mentions a couple times that her hair feels “thick” and isn’t laying right. i don’t notice a huge different but i guess maybe a little?

another week goes by and she’s saying that maybe that last haircut she got has already grown out since she’s just not having good hair days lately.

“yeah, maybe,” i say. “it doesn’t look that bad.”

a few days later i’m in the shower absent-mindedly looking at whatever bottles are lined up in front of me.

“‘american crew. citrus mint. body wash.’ wait, body wash??!”

she’s been using body wash! as shampoo! no wonder! this strikes me as insanely funny and i start laughing.

i make a mental note to tell her but the hot water feels so good and then i get hungry and forget. a week later i remember.

“oh honey! hahaha. honey,” i say.

“what? what? what’s so funny!!!'” she says. we’re both laughing. “what!”

“you know how you’ve been saying how your hair feels thick? well that shampoo you’ve been using…is body wash!”

we both laughed like crazy. she is so cute. what would she do w/out me? (come to think of it, i’m the one that picked out the bottle to begin with. but still. she needs me.)


sorry i’ve been such a crappy blogger lately

i’m on day four of a migraine. a new, unfortunate personal record of mine. might be stress-induced (stress? what stress?), i could be sick. hell, the smell from next door is coming back, maybe that’s doing it? in any case, i’m sure i’ll have something funny to say once i’m out of my stupor, so stay tuned…xox

i just gotta say

this whole layoff thing? we are saving one helluva lotta money on gas! booyah!

there are better things out there for me

i know this. i feel it. b/c i was laid off today. one door closes, a window opens.

i wasn’t the only one, either. ten percent of the organization was cut, 18 ppl.

i’ll tell you all, for those of you that don’t know me personally, or don’t know me well, i was miserable for a long time, so i’m looking at this as a blessing, an opportunity, more than anything.

i’m not going to go into it b/c, while i may have what some might call a big mouth (me??? never), i like to keep things classy. (anyway, all the juicy stuff is for my book, so you’re just going to have to wait 😉 ) but. i will say the following:

1) i have a sneaking suspicion i’m going to be getting a lot less headaches now.

2) while i’m stressing about cashflow (holly was laid off three weeks before our wedding, so, this doubly sucks) i am overwhelmed w/joy that i will be able to enjoy the season that i am ape-sh*t crazy for: fall.

 as in, i won’t be chained to my (ex) desk in my (ex) windowless office. i’ll be able to actually (gasp!) walk around, go to the park (with holly. during the *day*…sigh), stomp on soon-to-be-crunchy leaves and pet as many puppies as i want w/out any concern for time. as in: no busybody admin ladies who are all oddly obsessed w/my comings and goings noting in their little black admin books when i’ve left and when i return. the delight i feel at the prospect of this …well, i almost have no words for it.

3) twitter. w/said admin busybodies out of my hair, the tweets are unlocked, baby! it is ON! i’m in the process of putting the feed back up. bring it!

and, finally, last but certainly certainly not least:

4) lunch. lunch at home. and i don’t even have to wait til 11:30. (and i can eat it on the roof.)

good night, my lovelies. and to my facebook peeps: a million thanks for the kind words! (turns out facebook isn’t just great for coming out, launching blogs, having Big Fat Gay Weddings (BFGWs) and birthdays. it’s also pretty awesome when you lose your job.) you all are saying what i’ve been thinking since i got the news at 10 this morning, my breakfast barely digested and my to-go coffee mug from home still hot: this is a brand new beginning for me. and i’ll tell you something in case you don’t already know:

i’m completely unsinkable.

and like all those friggin cats that found their way into our walls this winter, i always land on my feet. something wonderful is going to come of this. i don’t know what right now, but it will. and altho i’m stressed in an unfamiliar new way, i have my life back. i. have my life. back. and i’m never going to lose myself like that again.

is there, like, a syndrome…?

when, like, a person can’t stop eating pistachios?  if so, i definitely have that syndrome.

holly and i have only had two longstanding disagreements

well…more like three. but i’ll get to the third in a minute.

the first was deciding on a bedspread. i know this sounds completely lame and shallow but it is what it is, and we could not, for the life of us, mutually agree on a bedspread until like, six months ago. this is after years and years of living together. i wish i was kidding.

see, holly’s taste is…classy. i mean, mine is, too, but well, she’s more of a minimalist. we both like straight lines and clean edges in furniture and whatnot, but i’d like to pair all that with say…a madonna wall mural. or framed ramones posters. also pink flamingo lamps. so yeah. the bedspread thing. pretty tough when one wants, like, whispers of bamboo shoots and the other wants a new york city skyline.

the first time we butted heads on this issue was not too long after we got our first official place together in d.c. now, i’m fuzzy on the details, of course, but here’s how i remember it going down:

maybe a couple weeks before i left to go home for yom kippur, she pointed out a bedspread to me in a catalog. this was way before i learned about her…very strong, let’s say, desire for things to match. (she even matches her flip-flops to her outfits. i only wind up matching by default b/c i wear black every day. black with jeans. those always match. i’m like a walking bruise, basically. but anyway.)

“isn’t this pretty, honey?” she said, pointing to it. smiling, hopefully, oh so hopefully, that i’d love it.

“it” was a bedspread, one that we still have now (on our guestbed), kind of indian-looking made out of shiny satin or silk earth-toned (first problem right there: earth-toned) material with flowers (dingding! second problem is right there: flowers. tho i must say they were small and tasteful).

“yeah, it’s nice,” i said, probably not paying 100% attention (shocker, i know) and thinking we were just window shopping.

“i’d like to get something like that,” she said.

“uh-huh,” i said, most likely thinking about puppies or hot chicks or any of my many other interests.

so i get back from yom kippur, fresh off the train, fresh out of a cab, walk in the apartment and bam: there’s the bedspread from the catalog. on the bed. with matching shiny orange and brown pillows. a number of them. and a crapload of matching towels in the bathroom (orange and purple; hand towels and washcloths). i need to note here that the bedspread was–and is–nice. it just wasn’t…what i had in mind.

“aren’t you so happy?! i went shopping with alane and got all this! don’t you love it???!”

i think the look on my face said it all. let’s just say things did not go well after that.

it took about six years, but we finally got a bedspread (thank you, west elm!) we both really like a few months ago.

the other disagreement:


omg i know. salsa. but look, i like the sugary stuff: tostitos. or, better yet, paul newman’s “zero proof” tequila lime. holly likes the black bean stuff, which, while the flavor isn’t bad per se, has a weird slimy texture thing going on. or at least her favorite brand (again, paul newman’s).  

our compromise only came about two weeks ago:  Pace picante sauce. right there in front of us the whole time. go figure. not an earth-shattering discovery, mind you, but hey. when you’re in the mood for tacos, salsa can make or break the deal. i know you know.

the last longstanding disagreement: rollercoasters. holly’s for them. i am not.

i’m listing this disagreement last b/c honestly? i don’t think we’ll ever come to an agreement. we will have to agree to disagreement.

she talked me into going on one just once and…let’s just say it ended badly. (you’ll just have to wait on that story; trust me, it’s a doozy) let’s just say wild horses couldn’t drag me on one of those things. as in: if there’s a hell, it’s full of rollercoasters. (my personal hell, at least) and roaches. and daddy longlegs. and snakes. and pleated chinos.

 but i’m jewish and we don’t believe in hell. so. disaster averted. (yet another reason being jewish is great. i mean, as if the lox and whitefish salad weren’t enough 😉 )

if any of you would like to share your best couple’s disagreements, please post them. yes, even if they’re even less Deep and Meaningful as bedspreads and salsa. i know. and you actually thought i had a soul.

holly does not want me to fall asleep on long car rides

and yet, she does not want to stop for starbucks. (not today at least.) doesn’t she see these things are distinctly related??

she also doesn’t like it when i call herds of cattle we pass in western pee-ay (where we are now) “hamburgers.” killjoy!