i miss you guys already

i didn’t anticipate crying the way i did this weekend. all weekend. at the indian restaurant when we first got into rochester (and upon hearing some wonderful, wonderful news). in the lobby the next morning, as nicolina (bff/MOH) and i sipped overpriced coffee on puffy couches. in the driveway of the happy couple’s home as Mrs. S (formerly Ms. JG, aka hottie social worker) and n. put their sweet arms around me, and kept reassuring me that yes, everything’s going to be ok, the wedding will be amazing and you will look spectacular and yes, you’re normal and no, don’t feel bad you’re crying. then again in the restaurant as we gathered for a post-wedding breakfast and said farewell (til november). and again (this time really badly) about a half-hour later on nicole’s shoulder at the rochester airport before she headed back to her beautiful city by the bay…

to be honest, two of those instances (indian restaurant and hotel lobby) i managed to keep the tears in–but just barely. and i’m not even mentioning all the times over the weekend i teared up privately w/holly. and now, as i write this, i’m crying again. these days, i seem to be a bottomless well of emotions. literally. i’ve never felt this way before. it’s almost like my feelings have formed this tight ball deep in my chest– somewhere between my heart and my throat–and it’s constantly unravelling and winding back up again. 

it’s so hard to explain exactly why i’m crying. and when i try to start explaining–or even start thinking about it–i get emotional all over again. but after seeing some of my very best friends this weekend, i think it boils down to the following:

i love my friends. i love them more than ever. i loved them before but i love them more and more every single day. and when i think about their participation in this wedding, i swear, i just start losing it. see, the great majority of these friends i met in college. and i spent a lot of college joking around and having fun and doing crazy things to my hair. but, (like a lot of other ppl, i imagine) i also spent a lot of time in college holding things in, too afraid to let the tough jersey-girl guard down. nearly a decade later and seven+ yrs into a relationship, the tough-girl act is long gone. sure, i still do my share of trash talkin, still wear lots of black and yeeees, still rock the spiky belts pretty much every day. but anyone who knows me knows that i just might be one of the most sensitive ppl in the universe. some days i honestly feel like an open wound. like, i can barely even watch tv news. and i’m so used to showing holly that side of me, of not holding anything back, that–as odd as it sounds–showing it to my oldest friends–the ones who knew me way back when–is tough for me. but i finally let ‘er rip this weekend. and it felt good. so, as we reach the official two-month mark til our wedding (today; gulp), i just want to say to my friends: thank you. i love you. and thank you for loving me. looking into your eyes (but mostly looking down, i suppose, considering all the tears and nose-blowing) in simos’ driveway, under the gray skies of rochester, receiving your hugs on his stoop, was more than i could have ever asked for. i’ll see you girls soon. xxo.

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omg idk! iJs!!!

seeing how i’m perpetually 15, i’ve been obsessed w/text messaging (txt msging) as of late. this has everything to do w/nicolina and now also kate (the hott mapmaker). together, we’ve come up with some new txt msg acronyms.

to start things off, here are our popular favs, which many of you are probably familiar with:

–idk[i don’t know; fun to say outloud fast! make you sure you really pronounce the “dee,” a la this cingular commercial(of “idk, my bff jill” fame. don’t forget the other version, w/granmaw txting her bff rose. omG we loves. she also says “myob” (mind your own business; she’s so sassy! we loves.)] which brings us to, of course…
–omg (oh my gosh. i like to write this omG, as to emphasize the GOSH. i use “gosh” b/c i’m jewish and don’t like to throw around the whole lord’s-name-in-vain thing. i know, i’m weirdly old-school.)
–wtf [what the @#$!; this is very helpful (and oddly satisfying) to write in irritating situations.]

now for the new ones:

–ijs! (i’m just saying! helps to capitalize the J here. as in: i’m just saying. veeery teenage. loves.)
–wai, cl?! [what am i, chopped liver?!; if you’re from jersey or nyc, you might be especially fond of this one. very jewish. ppl in my family used to actually say this. (roughly translated: “WHAT? i’m not important enough?!!”) props to the mapmaker for that one.]
–witym (word it to your momma!)
-and the newest, longest one, via an earlier im fb chat (instant msg facebook chat) w/kate: ydkwyjgyi (you don’t what you just got yourself into) yes, it’s long, i know. but friggin a, it’s so funny.

if you’ve got any favs, bring ’em!

here’s to the long weekend! omg ise! (i’m so excited!)

three headaches, two visits and one dress fitting later

i am back. and boy, have i missed all you ppl. trust me, i’d rather be blogging than struck down w/multi-day migraines. but that’s what happened to me since my last posting. in between and after all the headaches [i blame them on stress and barometric pressure changes (yes, my head is a human barometer and, although gorgeous, the weather’s been all over the place lately)], we had a lot of visitors: holly’s very down-to-earth aunt, her adorable cousin and one fabulous nicolina, otherwise known as my san fran writer bff and maid of honor.

i’ve been scratching my head about how to write this entry b/c i really have so much to say. i feel like i’ve had a lump in my throat since she walked in (and then out, yesterday morning) our rowhouse door. we so rarely get to hang out at all, let alone for days (we picked her up sunday night and i took off from work monday and tuesday) in a row. days! i still can’t wrap my head around it.

i guess i could sum up our visit like this: walking, talking, eating, walking more, talking more and eating even more. also roof deck-sitting, dinner party-ing and hanging out w/perhaps the most faaaaabulous (and beautiful and sweet) men on the planet. i impressed myself with a running commentary on the landmarks and history of baltimore–who knew i even knew all that stuff! as i spoke, i realized, gee, it sounds like i actually kind of like it here! and then i was like, naaaaaaaaaaah. (but yeah, despite my efforts to the contrary, baltimore’s growing on me. kind of a like a wart. (or a mushroom, tho that wouldn’t be growing onme per se). it’s kind of ugly but you can’t stop it. so instead you embrace it. or go to the dermatologist. but anyway, i digress) and from the looks of her blog, it sounds like nicolina’s kind of crushing on it, too.

i’m glad i was wearing my sunglasses when we were out walking, and later, on the water taxi, b/c i felt myself spontaneously tearing up a few times–i think b/c i was just so happy to have my friend by my side again. my mother’s always told me that good friends are hard to come by. she said it quite a few times when i was in high school, usually while i was sobbing over this or that friend doing me wrong (i’m sure you remember those days. back then, everything felt like the end of the world). she’d smooth my hair back from my tears and hand me tissues, telling me that if you can count the number of good friends you have on even one hand throughout your entire lifetime, you’re lucky. now, on the edge of 30 and planning one of the most important events in my life, i see how absolutely blessed i am in this regard. b/c, while i may not actually see my close friends as much as i’d like to [and despite the fact that we may instant msg/email (and omG txt msg lol wtf) more than we actually talk these days], i know they’re there for me. they’re the sort of friends that i know–wherever i am, whatever i do, no matter how much time goes by–are with me for the long haul. most of them have moved away (and in a couple of cases, i’ve actually moved away from them), but i feel their love radiating across the miles–down the B/W parkway, down I-95, curling down the amtrak rails and yes, flying cross-country, across farms, rivers and mountains, touching down in baltimore to give me hugs and confidence and look into my eyes and tell me everything’s going to be ok… (ok, hello, crying again)

i could have scheduled my very first dress fitting to coincide w/nicole’s visit, but decided to leave our days completely open. instead, i went yesterday on my own, a little wary of what a dress fitting actually entails. i’m still processing the entire thing, so I’ll say the following: um, 1. don’t get a dress made unless you don’t mind standing around in your undies. i (silently) take issue with this, but am pretending i don’t care. 2. it’s good if the ladies pinning you are speaking, say, russian, to each other. this way, you don’t know if they’re talking about you. 3. although i’ve lost quite a bit of weight, i need to lose more. i know, this is the bridal mantra. it’s just a little intimidating when it’s actually you instead of a friend or some crazy bridezilla on tv.

between a long-awaited MOH (maid of honor)/bff visit, and yesterday’s dress fitting, i’m still waiting for that lump in my throat to disappear. this wedding stuff is emotional! i swear, practically everything’s got me tearing up. it’s like i’m in this perpetual old-jewish-lady-hand-waving-in-face-oh-my-gawd-i’m-tearing-up-dahlink-please-hand-me-a-tissue state. but it’s good, i think, that i’m feeling all of this. and i know that with friends like nicole by my side, everything, as she continually assures me, will be just fine.

hot damn

i love all you people! <<sigh>> and i love your comments! it’s hard for me to believe all the ppl who actually want to read this craziness. bless your little hearts, i love ya for it.

i pledge to try and update as regularly as possible (tho, as mentioned below, the occasional headache might strike me down for a day or two). i’m going to “WESTERN PA” tomorrow afternoon. [yes, there was yet another baby born into holly’s gi-norm-o family(his name’s brennan and, yes, he’s fabulous) so we have a baptism to attend. (and *yes*, when mentioning towns and cities in pennsylvania, you must say “PA” (pronounced “PEE-AY”), especially when you’re referring to western PA. omg, *esp.*) example: washington, PEE-AY, pittsburgh, PEE-AY, ferdonia, PEE-AY] perhaps i’ll check in from there and tell you how hard it is to eat around all the pork and fried food. for a kosher jew on weight watchers?? yeah, notsomuch.