it’s foreign and artsy and gay couples go there on the weekends

i am not one for “riddles,” as they’re usually fairly annoying, require too much concentrated brainpower and the person presenting the riddle is so damn excited to “tease your brain” that you have to pretend to be excited to figure it out as not to completely crush them.

so when holly excitedly told me she a riddle for me saturday night, you can imagine i was less than enthused. except for she looked so damn cute, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about it, i couldn’t help but be a little excited. she’d never told me a riddle before (“riddle.” even the word is annoying) so i figured it must be important.

“i have an idea about where we should go tonight for our date night but you have to guess!” she said.

“aw babe,” i said, sighing and trying not to smile.

“no, this is a good one!” she said, practically clapping. “are you ready?”

“yeah, i’m ready,” i said somewhat bewildered but, yes, ready.

“ok, this place is foreign and artsy and gay couples go there on the weekends.”

i was about to list off baltimore’s short of list of gay bars–none of which is foreign, and few that are particularly “artsy”–when she added that it wasn’t a bar at all.

“it’s not a bar?” i said.

“no. but they have food there. more food upstairs than downstairs, but you can get some food downstairs.”


“and it’s not a restaurant either.”

“it’s not a restaurant or a bar and gay couples go there on the weekends and it’s artsy?” i asked, suddenly really and truly perplexed.

“yup. and it’s foreign. and you hate it. but i love it.”

“and there’s food there? but it’s not a bar or restaurant? and i HATE it? but you love it?”

“yup. you hate it.”

“and this is for our date night?”


oh she really had me with this one. i was starting to feel a little crazy. was this a trick?

“and it has good design, too. really good design.”

“oh my GOSH, babe. BABE!” i shouted as i put my palms over my eyes. “i have NO IDEA! YOU’VE GOT TO TELL ME I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING CRAZY.”

at which point she said she couldn’t believe i hadn’t gotten it get.

“i’ll give you another clue, but this will give it away: it’s not in the city. it’s in baltimore county.”

oh that helped. not.


“one last clue and that’s it!” she said. “and if you don’t get it after this i don’t know what else i could possibly tell you.”


“i made a dish for christmas at my family’s from the country of the owner of this place and my family hated it.”

“a dish? from the owner’s country? and your family hated it? your family hates all your cooking! OH MY GOSH I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT YOU COOKED FOR CHRISTMAS AT YOUR FAMILY’S WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”

then suddenly i did remember. it was meatballs. but a special kind.

so where did holly want to take me on our “date night”? note: it’s pretty dorky and yes, i hate it. but hot damn, there are always a lot of gays there! (couples, mostly) especially on the weekends. it also makes my feet hurt b/c we’re usually there so long.


11 responses to “it’s foreign and artsy and gay couples go there on the weekends

  1. jessie schlosberg

    Ooo! Ooo!!! Pick me!!! Pick me!!! I know it!!! And I love it!!!


  2. Hilarious. Love it!

  3. OMG! *YES*! IT’S IKEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I guessed it by “good design”. And they have some delicious macaroni & cheese too. Did you go?!?

  5. we did go! i sort of hated it but not really. i’ve had their mac n cheese! not bad! (tho i do prefer their fro-yo 😉 )

  6. Oh man, I have a phobia of Ikea. The husband and I are both missing the gene that makes you good at putting furniture together.
    (but i love a good mac n cheese!)

  7. oh i’m missing that gene, too! but holly has enough for the both of us! (i’d prefer mac n cheese over anything relating to furniture any day)

  8. hahahaha I totally knew it 2 or 3 clues before you! They have some pretty tasty crepes and an awesome breakfast!

  9. OMG you are so hilarious, as is Jessie, who knew straightaway ….!

  10. Confession: I’ve never been to Ikea. Also, I don’t like Ani DiFranco.

    I’m practically straight. Except for the gay sex.

  11. omg ha. yeah. except for that.

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