i know you’ve been waiting for over a week to hear about how i got lost in the woods, but i need to tell you about this annoying thing that holly does to my coffee first

if you have a significant other, or you’ve had one in the past, i’m sure there’s something that s/he does or did that is/was meant to be loving but only proves/proved to be annoying or frustrating. i’m going to talk about that today, and of course by “that” i mean holly and something she does, and bless her heart she is so damn patient w/me and this damn blog. i keep telling her that it will make us rich one day, and that for some reason people (and by “people” i mean you people) like to read about the ridiculous crap that goes on in our relationship more than anything else and i must give the public what it wants. which brings me to this post.

so this morning, we were eating breakfast at our favorite diner, eastern avenue’s famous broadway diner, where you can get not one but two large breakfast specials (eggs/home fries or grits/meat if you want it/toast/coffee AND juice) for under $10 (!?!) as long as you get there before 11am (and hello, we were there at like 7:30am b/c holly gets my ass up early simply b/c if she’s up, i need to be up–kind of like a puppy except not).

anyway, the coffee arrives and holly first pours milk into her coffee (we get milk not cream; i know, high-maintenance) and then, before i can stop her (she’s fast–stealth, actually) reaches across the table and lovingly pours it into mine.

i sigh. no actually i don’t sigh. i whisper-shout babe, what are you doing?! then i sigh.

we have been thru this before. i’m picky about my coffee. not only does it need to be hot (i inherited this; i swear, my late grandmother would actually send coffee back at pretty much every jersey diner (and Friendly’s–oh, Friendly’s, remember that place??) we ever went to, much to my teenage embarrassment, if it wasn’t “piping hot”), sometimes i want it black, sometimes i want milk in it–but not too much milk, lest it lose its coffee taste and become anything less than mouth-scalding, blistering hot.

holly, on the other hand, likes a lot of milk in her friggin coffee. she actually turns them into lukewarm lattes. i honestly don’t even know how she drinks them. but i guess that’s none of my business. to each their own.

anyway, we decided years ago that i didn’t want her adding milk or cream or whatever we have on hand to my coffee. i know she does it out of love, but it drives me crazy. if i wanted milk or cream, i’d add it on my own. not to be rude but i’m just saying.

the first time she ever did it, i think we were at our old favorite diner (endearingly called “the diner”) back when we lived in dc’s adams-morgan neighborhood. our coffee arrived, she picked up the creamer, poured some into her mug, reached across the small table and poured a whole lot of it into mine.

i asked her, somewhat horrified, what she was doing, and she responded that she didn’t know what came over her. she just…did it. and that was the beginning. so every now and then, and come to think of it, it’s usually when we’re grabbing breakfast at a diner (as i former jersey girl, i pretty much live for diners. esp. if they’re greek-owned), holly will get possessed by the dairy…i don’t know, the dairy fairy, and inexplicably pour milk or cream into my coffee.

i feel like she does it out of love. which is nice, really, if you think about it. but dammit it doesn’t make my coffee taste any better–or make it any hotter.

in all fairness, i need to add that i do plenty of annoying things out of love. for example, if holly feels the least bit under the weather, i ask her if she’s ok or needs tea every two minutes or less. i’m also constantly saying hi to her around the house and asking (yelling) where she is moment i can’t actually see her. (i think this is a north jersey jewish trait.)

if you have any similar stories about past or present significant others, please share. in the meantime, keep your coffee away from holly b/c if she cares about you, she might turn it into a cafe au lait.

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7 responses to “i know you’ve been waiting for over a week to hear about how i got lost in the woods, but i need to tell you about this annoying thing that holly does to my coffee first

  1. Hilarious!

  2. I’m a weirdo in that I also like it VERY hot (ps from my research I am pretty sure that its an Ashkenazic thing to like very hot foods or drinks) but with a decent dose of milk in it. My new obsession is half and half and I have no idea why it took me 30 years to find out how much I love it!
    The husband also is tempted to do things like that for me, but I also really would rather do it myself….

  3. dude. half & half. don’t even get me started. [and keep it far, far away from me as i will think up excuses to use it (more coffee, mac n cheese, the list goes on and on)]

    maybe it is an Ashkenazic thing? tho my mom disproves it completely as she waits until her tea and/or coffee is 100% *cold* to drink it.

    p.s. “the husband” cuuute 😉

  4. Hi!
    Long before I came along, my parents use to commute into work together. They would stop off at a little diner right by the college and my mom would say to my dad, “Would you like a coffee?” My dad would say, “No thanks.” Then my mom would order two coffees. My dad would then drink one. After this went on for a good while my mom said, “Why do you always drink my coffee after you tell me you don’t want one!?” My dad didn’t understand that my mom actually wanted to drink both, and would drink one to be polite even though he hated coffee.

  5. aww geez dinah! that is so cute!! (wow your mom must really love coffee!! man i heart your mom!!)

  6. i also say Hi!!! to my husband pretty often when we’re in the house (and by house, i mean brooklyn apartment). i think each Hi!!! is an expression of how much i love that we get to be roommates for the rest of our lives!

  7. From now on out I’m going to refer to how I like my coffee as “Holly-style.” 🙂

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