locked outside a dressing room…in jeggings

it's amazing that with all this blogging, i still have time to model jeggings.

we all have our recurring nightmares. for some ppl, their teeth fall out. or suddenly they look down and whoops! they’re naked. in their old high school.  

me? yeah, i don’t have the “typical” recurring nightmares. but i’ll tell you what: if i did, they just might revolve around being locked out of an american eagle dressing room in jeggings.  

oh jeggings. what are they? you probably already know what they are b/c you’ve seen them pretty much everywhere. they’re jeans so tight they’re like leggings. except they’re denim, i.e. jeans. so they’re jeggings. (jeans + leggings = yeah. jeggings.) for children of the 80s, like myself (and holly), it’s like hello flashback.  

at first i was like, no damn way would i wear those. but then i see all these girls around in boots *over* their jeans and i’m like: those must be jeggings. i might need to get a pair of jeggings. and then i bitchslap my brain for even saying jeggings even tho no one else can hear. (isn’t it funny how you can embarrass yourself sometimes? i’m constantly doing that.)  

so we went to the mall last night (that’s mawl in my north jersey homeland), specifically to american eagle bc holly needed a new pair of regular jeans. i’m like, oh my. look. at all. those jeggings. (insert brain bitchslap.) and so many colors! i had to try on at least one pair, i thought. just so i’d know.  

holly has always been skeptical of the skinny jean things. (skinny jeans, as you may or may not know, are looser than jeggings.)   

“they look trashy,” she always used to say when i’d try them on. “you look like the ‘freaker girls’ back in my high school.”  

“oh c’mon babe,” i’d always say back. “they’re in. it’s different now. it’s not the same.”  

finally i have gotten her to the point where she’s ok with skinny jeans and doesn’t refer to me as a “freaker girl” when i wear them. and now i have to go and push it (oh and i am always pushing it) and try on an article of clothing that makes ppl squint at your legs and say, “excuse me, are those pants or have your legs and butt been spray painted to create the appearance of pants?”  

but i blame the cute gay guy store manager. he’s the one that suggested i try on the damn jeggings. he actually brought a pair to me.  

“i think you’re really going to like these,” he said.  

i looked at holly. she shrugged.  

“she’s going to think i look like a ‘freaker girl,'” i warned him without a full explanation, taking the jeggings. he looked confused but smiled anyway. i immediately loved him.  

i put them on (ok i had to pull them on; they’re…really tight) and i was like hmmm. i don’t know. i’ve never ever been one of those girls that needs or wants anyone else’s opinion on anything i try on. (holly is the exact opposite. we’re great life partners but bad shopping partners. she’s like, do you like this? which color should i get? i’m like i don’t know can we leave now please fer cryin out loud just get something! i’m not exactly what you’d call “a shopper.”)  

but for once, i truly wasn’t sure. i thought i’d ask holly’s opinion since a) she’s been so damn anti-jegging and b) she’s the one that’s gonna havta look at my ass (literally) in them. so i gingerly stepped out of the dressing room, pretty shy about being, you know, in jeggings.  

“babe?” i asked, hesitantly. “can you come out and…”  

squeeeeeeak.  

the door, which i had sort of propped open, started to shut. and i think these doors….
lock…
when they…  

click.  

…shut.  

sh*t! i was locked out of the dressing room–IN JEGGINGS.  

“babe i’m locked out! i’m locked out of the dressing room and i’m wearing jeggings.”  

i could hear her laughing inside her dressing room.  

“this isn’t funny!” i whisper-shouted. “i am very uncomfortable with this!”  

then the manager came back.  

“those are hot!” he exclaimed before i even had a chance to tell him i was locked out. 

bless him. there is nothing like a compliment from a gay man. b/c you know they mean it. and if your butt looked big they’d tell you. or at least roll their eyes enough so you’d get the idea.  

“really? b/c i’m locked out of the dressing room and i’ve been freaking out.”  

holly popped out and gave me the once over. she admitted they weren’t as bad as she had imagined and i didn’t look like a freaker girl afterall.  

i decided i’d wait to buy the denim jeggings until i find the right boots and decided instead to buy cargo jeggings since they were on sale for $20. and really, can you turn down a pair of cargo jeggings at that price? not really.

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14 responses to “locked outside a dressing room…in jeggings

  1. Cargo jeggings? I mean — what’s the point of all of those pockets if you can’t really use them?

  2. that is such a good question, mike. the answer is…they are futile. completely unusable pockets. i could probably stick a piece of gum in one of them. so at least there’s that.

  3. ok….now I know I’m really old. When I was “a kid” jeggings were worn with leg warmers and reebok moon sneakers….you know the ones with the little puffy bits around the ankle….and **nod to Holly** only by “trashy” girls and sometimes, totally inappropriately, by gay men. The world of fashion (perception) has come a long way.

  4. look. here’s the thing. back when leggings were “in,” i never had a single damn pair. not one. now that i’m not a tomboy anymore, i have dipped a toe in…and yeah. i kind of like it.

    now you and holly are bffs. hello! we were friends first! 😉

  5. I edited a report yesterday that was alll about the jeggings — the copy editor in me had to question the naming of the apparently very popular “courderoy jeggings” because aren’t “jeggings” “jean leggings” — i.e. denim?? Anyway. — and it’s great to have a first-hand report.

    I will never wear them. Ever.

    (ps: send me a photo 🙂 )

  6. omg. i just laughed so many times. a report on jeggings?! (you’re right; i, too, question calling my “cargo jeggings” jeggings at all. perhaps just…ass-tight cargo pants?!)

    even better than a photo: when i come visit you, i will show up at your doorstep–in jeggings.

  7. hahahah, cargo jeggings…that’s so Jessica!

    Ok, when i hit my goal weight I will try on a pair…just for you!

  8. heh. yeah i guess it is! (name for my tv show? “that’s so jessica!” ???)

    you MUST try on a pair! you must 😉

  9. Do I want to ask for the definition of a “freaker” girl??

  10. Dude. Those AE changing room doors slam faster and louder than any other doors on planet earth. You have to have like one foot or hand on them at all times. I wouldn’t be surprised if people have lost fingers in those things! Also, next to “staycation” and “blogosphere”, “jeggings” now rounds out the top three hated made up words of all time for me.

  11. @EB: ok, holly is saying “freaker girls” were essentially white trash headbangers. while i do love me some guns n roses and yes, the occasional ratt song, i don’t have any commentary on this except for…yeah i don’t have anything to say. ha.

    @jenna: 1. i’m glad to know it wasn’t just my experience w/the AE dressing rooms. they must manufacturer special doors that quickly swing and lock so they can send in their most charming gay guy manager salesguys while you’re locked out to tell you look hot so you’ll buy jeggings despite the fact that your partner disapproves. and 2. i agree. those words are all supremely annoying. (ugh! “blogosphere”!) tho i have to say that while the word sux, staycations rule 😉

  12. haha i hate that that happened to you 😦

    i can’t say my body style could even THINK of pulling off jeggings.. lol.
    I just can’t. i don’t feel comfortable with something being that tight!! geez give me some room to breathe.

  13. I highly doubt my arms could fit into jeggings. So I won’t be getting jiggy with jeggings any time soon. Typing that last sentence made me queasy.

    P.S. Happy belated birthday, Lunchy.

  14. I just saw those for the first time last week in Old Navy… I couldn’t bring myself to try them on. The thought of them turned the Skinny Jeans in to a life saver!

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