4 a.m. is the loneliest hour

that’s what i’ve decided. i concluded on 4 a.m. as i padded downstairs in silence this morning at 4 a.m. to fix myself a glass of chocolate milk to go w/all the ibuprofen i was taking for my three-day migraine [finally breaking as i write this; word to the wise, always take ibuprofen (i.e. advil/motrin) w/food or milk or you’ll eventually wind up on the verge of a stomach ulcer like yours truly)].

i hate being up in the middle of the night when i’m not supposed to, as opposed to, say, partying til 4 a.m. which maybe–maybe? but probably not–i did in college? anyway, being unwillfully woken up by head pain has  been happening to me a lot over the past few years as i wade thru these terrible headaches of mine. it’s the craziest thing: even tho i have a wonderful partner asleep next to me, i still feel so doggone lonely in the middle of the night.

i’ve always been the same. as a kid when i couldn’t fall asleep, my comforting thought was the 24-hour diner just up our street and around the corner. other ppl were up, i would tell myself. waitresses and cooks and customers. it wasn’t just me.

so i’m older and wiser and braver now, but that little kid is still in there. so as i lay awake for hours last night trying to relax and fall back asleep so i could wake up headache-free (didn’t happen), i thought about being up in the middle of the night and how it sucks (i think too much, i know). all my stirring, of course, woke up holly (i stir a lot w/these headaches; it’s just so hard to get comfortable). i was happy to have the company, as happy as i could be, considering the circumstances.

“4 a.m. is the loneliest hour,” i said in a whisper even tho there wasn’t anyone else around i could wake up.

“3 a.m. is pretty lonely, too,” she said, half-asleep cuddled next to me.

we agreed that 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. are the loneliest hours. i figured i’d share all of this w/you to get your thoughts. tell me your loneliest hour.

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9 responses to “4 a.m. is the loneliest hour

  1. I love being awake at night, which is a good thing because I do it so often. It’s like I don’t have to do anything except lie there and think of what I will do when I win the lottery. Lonesome hours? I guess I must be blessed. I can’t think of a standard moment when it happens.

  2. Awww. My other half gets headaches too. 😦

  3. ann, you are definitely blessed. i guess my blessing is that it really only happens in the middle of the night. and mostly when i’m not feeling good.

    uninvoked, i think it’s really, really hard for the spouses/partners/significant others of those that get migraines. they deserve major props. so you get ’em too 😉

  4. I think for my my loneliest hour is the one when I finally tuck myself into bed and then can’t fall asleep for one reason or another — too much coffee too late in the day, too many thoughts whirring about, etc. I lie there and wish for sleep and can’t and feel like I am in the only person in the world who is experiencing this (I know I’m not, of course, but sometimes …)

    Conversely, waking up at 4a is not so bad. If I wake up and can’t fall asleep I’ll read or have a cup of tea or glass of water, maybe just pull the blankets up a bit more and think about how I don’t have to get up for a few more hours. All is quiet and peaceful and still, just as I like it.

    Anyway — hope you are feeling better xox

  5. I love 4 a.m. This morning I woke up at that hour and as I was peeking out the window to investigate the snow, I found two creatures — what I believe to be foxes – wandering the neighborhood. If I hadn’t been up then, I might not have known they ever existed.

    I then sat by the window for a few minutes and watched the snow fall on the untouched streets and thought to myself how quiet and peaceful.

  6. As someone who found herself awake and reading poetry last night at 3 a.m. I say 3. At least at 4 you know dawn and stirring by others is just around the corner… but at 3…. silence.

    Sorry about the migranes!

  7. jessie schlosberg

    you should have called us.. Andy is always up that late… well, actually, 4am is 9 am here, so I would have been up too!

    I guess that’s the good thing about being 5 hours ahead. If I’m up at 4, it’s only 11 at home, so most others are still up too! MAYBE THAT’S THE ANSWER! Just move to the UK! Then 4 won’t be so lonely!

    See, I have the best plans!

  8. j! that really IS the best plan!!! ha.

    i like reading all your responses. i’m starting to think of this middle-of-the-night stuff differently.

  9. John Grunwell

    I think that anytime between 8:00 to 10:00 PM are my “lonely hours,” when I have them. You know, good ol’ Blue Eyes, the Chairman of the Board, has a great, melancholy album (which I own and love) all about your ‘loneliest hour’ entitled “The Wee, Small Hours of the Morning.” According to Frank, that’s when “the world wide world is fast asleep” and you “lie awake and think about the girl, and never ever think of counting sheep.”

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