an actual email i wrote tonight

to nicole:

8:37 p.m.

whatever is RUNNING YES RUNNING in our ceilings. and walls. sounds LARGE and is moving FAST.
hey whatever. as long as a corpse doesn’t fall thru the ceiling i’m fine. PERSPECTIVE.

and this, my dear friends, is the silver lining of having your next-door neighbor pass away and decompose for two weeks with mere bricks separating you. nothing house-related seems too scary after that. whatever’s in our walls/ceilings (either a cat or an extremely large rat, we’ve decided; hell maybe it’s a cat chasing a rat) can die and rot and smell to high holy hell. as long as it’s not a person, it’s really fine. i can take it.

in the great words of Kevin McCallister (macaulay culkin) of home alone (one of my all-time favorite holiday movies)…

Hey! I’m not afraid anymore! I said I’m not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I’m not afraid anymore!

then he sees his old man neighbor, screams like hell and runs inside. ha. i love that movie.


5 responses to “an actual email i wrote tonight

  1. Hey, considering where you worked the last few years, you can put up with anything!

  2. HA! oh you are so right. talk about scary.

  3. You are hysterical!

  4. jessie schlosberg

    holy crap… it’s snowing on your blog… I thought I was hallucinating… whew!

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