skip the peanut butter bait, folks.
also skip the cheese.
according to our new orkin man, mice (and rats, apparently) go crazy over…
wait for it!
we were like, “REALLY??!!” and he was like, “yes, really!”
this is the no-fail rodent attractant, his manager told him. “and she’s been doing this twice as long as i have!” he said. (she?! i thought. this struck me as funny. yes, obviously i’m sexist.)
and what do mice hate the smell of??? i bet you don’t know. i didn’t.
this is what everyone else in baltimore must secretly place around the house before company comes over so the mothereffin little critters don’t decide to, say, run across the room when you’re throwing a fancy dinner party. not that that’s ever happened to us. i’m uh…i’m just saying (ijs).
oh geezus! a trap just snapped. i nearly had a heart attack. oh fer cryin out loud, can i get a little peace and quiet around here?! my heart’s beating out of my chest. i was going to tell you something else, something funny…and thanks to our shared walls and filthyass neighbors, i’ve forgotten. i swear, my nerves are completely shot. if i drank, i’d so be drinking right now. instead i’m going to listen to barry manilow. (i’m not kidding.) that’s how you know your nerves are shot to hell: easy listening.