put your arm back in your car, dammit!

before somebody crashes into you and chops it off! i swear, some ppl really must not value their appendages or else they wouldn’t dangle them out their car windows!

i’ve seen it all summer, and while the warm weather’s still with us, i need to publicly say something before i burst: put. your arm. back. in your car.

now that i am an “experienced” driver (hey, i was a public transit city girl for a long time, this whole having-your-own-car is still somewhat new to me), i see how totally and completely easy it is to get in an accident. you look away, swerve as not to hit oh…a squirrel–or a deer…i don’t know, i mean, you can sneeze and hit something. what if that “something” is someone’s doggone squishy arm that they’re absentmindedly hanging out their driver’s-side window??? you don’t even need to get in an accident per se. you just need to brush up against it hard enough.

i don’t know about you, but my appendages are too damn important to me to hang out from my frigginass car window.

holly is sometimes guilty of this in the summer and it really irks me. granted, she doesn’t hang her entire arm out the window, but enough of it to make me feel lightheaded. i’m like, “BABE. COULD YOU GET. YOUR ARM. BACK IN THE CAR PLEASE.”

and she’s like, “BABE. CALM THE HELL DOWN. IT’S. FINE.”

then i put my hand over my eyes and shake my head and mumble some jewish-guilt ridden thing like, “that’s fine. you’re married now and it’s not just about you anymore. and if you want to hold your future children one day with your one and only arm, that’s your business. but don’t say i didn’t warn you.”

and then she shakes her head, probably silently wondering how in the hell she got mixed up with such a pain in the ass north jersey jew and then married her, no less.

in the words of my late grandmother: oy.


4 responses to “put your arm back in your car, dammit!

  1. Honey, did u almost get in an accident this morning? Trying to miss an animal? Also I have told you as long as you keep ur arm within the parameters of the side mirror you will probably be fine.

  2. jessie, aka hsw

    now I’m laughing at work… and I feel crazy because I’m just sitting in my office (which I share with 2 other people) trying to stifle a laugh that desperately wants to come out like a huge gaffaw! I just can’t read this at work… btw, I’ve been wanting lunch since 10:30… is that wrong?

  3. so wrong it’s right, you mean?? oh pls, j, i start craving lunch even earlier that than, usually. sometimes i break down and can’t even wait til 11:30.

  4. I believe that one should have both hands on the steering wheel at all times.

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