shnap. is it wrong i find this stuff funny??

i’m just coming off a three-day migraine (i nearly lost my mind and thank G-d for holly and her smoothie-making abilities b/c i just couldn’t eat)…anyway, my brain is on slo-mo mode so i really have nothing to offer you today. therefore i’m going to let southeast baltimore’s aggravated assault/burglary blotter do the talking today. man this stuff cracks me up. is that wrong??

Talk about bad neighbors
A man told police that his neighbor had approached him while he was sitting on his porch. The neighbor had started swinging a knife and screaming, “I’m gonna killa y’all bitches.” The suspect was arrested.

“Ok, ok. You can stay there.”
A woman told police that she found a man lying in front of her door so that she could not enter. She asked him if he would leave so that she could go inside, and the man stated, “Bitch, I will beat your ass and stab you.” He was arrested.

Compliments to the chef
Someone entered a home through a front window and ate a pot of food that was left on the stove. 10 DVDs were also taken.

oh, DVDs, too? haha.
i wonder what was in the pot?

Who *says* that??
A suspect entered a bank and handed a teller a note reading, “This is a robbery, I have a gun, give me 20s from the top drawer and 50s, hurry hurry.” The teller handed the suspect an unknown amount of cash and he fled.

“hurry hurry”? ha.

Two women told police that they had been robbed at knifepoint of their cell phones and cash. A bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of Coke were also taken. One suspect told the women, “Don’t call police; I know what you look like.”

i know what YOU look like, motherf*cker!! geez!


One response to “shnap. is it wrong i find this stuff funny??

  1. Living in Baltimore means living by Carrie Fisher’s credo that “If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.”

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