you can’t make this sh*t up

once again, highlights of south/southeast baltimore’s aggravated assaults w/headlines by yours truly:

“Mr. Bouncer? Why do you wear gloves?”
A woman told police she asked a bar bouncer why he wore gloves. The bouncer replied “to choke drunks.” When the woman refused to leave when the bar closed, the bouncer put both hands around her neck and picked her up in the air, she told police.

she probably shouldn’t have asked him to begin with. i mean, who asks bouncers anything anyway? yer only askin fer trouble.
next!

“Sure I’ll give you my insurance information. We’re just going on a little drive first.”
Two drivers, a man and woman, were involved in a fender bender and the man got out of his car to exchange information. The woman tried to drive away and the man reached inside her car to try to stop her. She drove off with the man hanging from her driver’s window. She was arrested.

she couldn’t have opened the window a little to let him drop out? some ppl! geez!

“Can I see your wrist for a minute?”
A woman was sitting at the bus stop when her ex-boyfriend came along and sat next to her. He leaned over her, grabbed her wrist and bit it. He then took her purse and started to run away, but she chased him down and got her purse back. Police found him later and arrested him.

who bites ppl?? who bites wrists???

ok last one:

This is why walkie-talkies are a bad idea.
A man told police that his current girlfriend was assaulted by his ex-girlfriend. Both the man and the present girlfriend are employed at the same nightclub, and the ex-girlfriend became enraged when the present girlfriend refused to serve her alcohol because she was underage. The ex-girlfriend struck the present girlfriend in the face with a walkie-talkie (what?!!), then fled. A warrant will be issued for her arrest. The incident was captured on the club’s surveillance cameras.

oh well that’s good. i’m sure the “nightclub” staff will be going thru the surveillance video footage to see if the ex-girlfriend hit the presentgirlfriend in the face with a walkie-talkie.

happy almost-friday! woohooo!!!

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