me vs. slash

slash1

i’m in the middle of slash’s autobiography (that’s the slash, guitarist for guns n roses). i don’t know how much of it he actually “wrote.” i’m imagining he mumbled most of it to co-author anthony bozza, but regardless, i am learning many interesting, scandalous things about him and the band. namely sex, drugs and rock n roll, that sorta thing.

it’s very entertaining, but the only real surprise thus far is that the guy is still alive (!). srsly. the sheer amount of drugs and alcohol this man has put in his body over the years is unbelievable (not to mention all the sex w/strangers; whole nother can’a worms there).

anyway, as i’m reading i can’t help but feel a little jealous. it’s not like i want to live like he has. definitley not. it’s just that i can’t believe how ppl can abuse thr bodies and still manage to make it day-to-day. so i decided to draw up a little comparison sheet: me vs. slash. here we go:

me:
get headaches when the weather changes. also the seasons. probably pollen, too, tho i don’t know for sure.
can’t oversleep on weekends, get headaches.
can’t skip meals, get headaches.
can’t skip a.m. coffee, get headaches.
rarely drink alcohol, get headaches.
must sleep on certain kind of pillow, otherwise, um, get headaches.
must stay hydrated or…get headaches.
must exercise at least a little or, yeah. get headaches.

slash:
lived in a storage unit.
regularly didn’t sleep on beds. doubt he used a pillow other than a new set of boobs every other day. (ha. did i really write that? ha.)
didn’t eat, seems like.
doubt he stayed hydrated.
drank. a lot.
many drugs. mostly heroin.
no notable exercise except for sex (ok, there’s some cardio. but still) and guitar playing.
no mention of headaches except for those related to hangovers.

srsly. the wind blows the wrong way and my neurons fire off migraines so bad that i’m stuck in bed sometimes for 12, 13 + hrs straight. (now that spring has finally sprung, i’m getting a whole helluva lotta them, which accounts for my recent absence. i try not to go on and on about it b/c what fun is reading a blog where the author is bitching and moaning about headaches all the time?! exactly.) this guy probably hasn’t drank a glass of water since he was 11 yrs old. i just don’t get it.

we all have our “things.” mine’s an acute sensitivity to everyday stuff that most ppl don’t need to think about it. (in fact, i often find myself amazed that i get anything done at all; and thank goodness for my understanding boss and lots of cool editors i work with) some of us have severe food allergies. diabetes. i mean, a ton of sh*t. but when you’re generally ok and you abuse the crap out of yourself and still manage somehow (tho he does have something serious implanted in his heart from all the drugs and alcohol)….it just blows my mind.

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3 responses to “me vs. slash

  1. This is great. I appreciated Slash’s ability to make it as a black man in what general society considered to be “white” music. I guess in a twisted sense, I appreciate that he’s still makin’ it period (as in the fact that he’s ALIVE!).

    It seems like you and slash have the whole human thing down packed though.

  2. dude i feel for ya. one day i’m gonna be just like slash. watch out. you’ll know who i am

  3. I was watching PBS last night (3/31), and there was an illuminating program (was it Nature or Frontline? I couldn’t tell, as it took place in university research centers AND wherever it is that baboons live) about the impact of stress on human health and well-being (not good).

    Watching this, I got to thinking about Keith Richards, and how despite a life that can only be described as a bacchanalia, he’s still alive and kicking, and looking as happy as ever. He’s tan. He’s thin. Can still play three-hour shows for crowds of tens of thousands, giving it his all (probably drunk too). I then thought back to your post, and back to Slash, who’s led a very similar life, i.e. sex, drugs and rock’n’roll.

    One thing these dudes have in common, something you (and me, and I bet, most folks reading this blog) DO NOT share with them is this: stress-free living! These guys are at the top of the heap! They’re alpha males! They’re guitarslingers! They get the women! They make millions of dollars! They have people who manage their affairs.! I doubt they even make their own coffee, and if they drive anywhere, it’s to watch an art auction at Sothebys (probably collaborating on a personal collection liquidation with Metallica’s Lars Ulrich)! They are rock’n’roll Tony “Scarface” Montanas!!! They are both constitutionally incapable of being stressed out, and live lives devoted to values that the mainstream culture (i.e. you and me?) thinks of as a fantasy world. They get their “money for nuthin’ and chicks for free!” They think most normal folks stress about are things that don’t concern Slash or Keef in the slightest. How can I pay these bills? Will my boss like my output? Am I late for work? Will I have time for dinner? Stop honking that horn! Emergency vehicle sirens: ARGH!!!! Life in an American city: DOUBLE-ARGH!

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