holly was laid off friday afternoon. three weeks before our (very expensive) wedding. it’s like the news headlines landed right splat in the middle of our living room. and i’m scared.
i did my crying soon after she broke the news (unfortunately, i was still at my office) and proceeded to shut my door and then email pretty much email everyone i know for leads. i think it’s important not to mope about what’s happened (holly agrees), but i can’t but think that this really sucks. i mean, the timing couldn’t be worse. besides the wedding, we have a mortgage. and two cars. and monthly bills like most other americans. i’ll be the first to admit it: i’m scared. terrified, in fact. but i’ll be damned if this is gonna drag us down at a time when we should be–no scratch that, will be–celebrating.
i’m a true believer in silver linings–and a time-honored saying that some ppl scoff at: “everything happens for a reason.” holly wasn’t happy where she was. in fact, she was treated pretty badly. i know we’ll find something better for her. we’re a great team, and we’ve been thru some pretty rocky times. [post-9/11 when she was called for active duty in the navy (she was in the reserves for 11 years; luckily she was stationed stateside) was pretty bad.] we’ll get thru this, too.
we were able to forget about our troubles a good portion of the weekend, thanks to andrew (another one of my “best people”) and justin. they threw us a bachelorette party sat. night to end all bachelorette parties. we started off with some delectable vegetarian dinner at vegetate, then bebar (where the rest of our rowdy crowd met up with us) for drinks and some very interestingly shaped cupcakes (andrew, you BAKE?? omg) and cake (becky, your culinary and all-around festive skillz never cease to amaze me!), then the thumping town. it was a really late night. and by 3am, andrew and i had the chance to dance to a madonna song (finally!! why the hell did it take so long to get to one at a friggin gay club??? i thought gay men love madonna?!) holly fell right to sleep, poor thing (she’s had a terrible cold for the past week, to add insult to injury), as soon as we got back to justin’s. he and i stayed up even later eating veggie burritos and talkin our usual smack (i’d put in a wink right here but the doggone blog turns it into a big cartoon-ishsmiley). in the a.m. we chowed down on fluffy frittatas and buttery potatoes at this great french place (gosh i don’t remember the name of it but it’s at the corner of 18th and florida, i think, in adams-morgan) and then holly and i got on the road. we stopped in takoma park to look for an accessory she wants for the wedding and man, did i get all emotional when we were driving around.
when we met, i was a wee 22, not even a year outta college, just a community reporter with pink-streaked hair and a bad attitude. i was living in this crappy, roach-infested apartment, paying my own way, thinking i really had it going on. it was right on the border of takoma park/silver spring and holly really must have liked me, b/c she kept on making the drive from baltimore to visit me in that craphole, ignoring the crusty, old shower and yes, the roaches. i’d make her coffee in a peculator my late grandma (and best friend; more on her soon) bought for me only a few months before she passed, and we’d eat various things (assorted nuggets, nachos, etc.) from a toaster oven (also from my grandma, but this time i took it from her apt. when we were cleaning it out) lined with foil. she was (and still is, wink) a few years older than me, and looking back on it now, it gives me the warm n fuzzies thinking about her spending so much time w/me there when she could have been at her much nicer shared house w/her old friends.
i thought back to those days, thinking back even further to those months before i met her.
“i was so lonely back then,” i said as we drove down university boulevard, past the awful strip malls that used to drive me crazy but now make me nostalgic for times that seem like a lifetime ago.
she looked at me from the driver’s seat and grasped my hand.
“you’ll never have to be lonely again,” she said.
of course i started to cry. just like i am now. it hit me, all the sudden. i’ll never need to be lonely again. i’ll never be lonely again. what’s a lay off when we have each other? we could lose everything but we’ll still have each other. we’ll always have each other.
hunny, i love you. we’ll get thru this. i can’t wait to marry you and be yours forever. 20 days and counting…