seriously! i wish i was kidding but i’m not.
i remember sitting on the fourth floor of the national press building (next to the wonderful andrew, now one of my “best ppl”–hi andrew!!), shortly after i started a job there as a reporter. i’m not exactly sure if i had actually turned 25 yet, but i thought something along the lines of “oh my GOSH. ohmygoshohmygoshohmyGOSH in five years i’ll be 30! what does that MEAN?” i couldn’t even think about it. thirty to me meant…gosh, i mean, i guess what it still means to me now: grown up. together. a(gulp)dult. adult. (adult??!)
the thing i know now that i didn’t know back then is that very few of us have it “together” at 30. or are “grown up.” (what IS that anyway???) and, “adult,” well i think that’s in the eye of the beholder. if all of those labels mean having a mortgage, a partner, paying your bills, a job, then sure, i’m “grown up,” “together” and an (ahem) “adult.” the thing is, that i feel none of those things. what i do feel–and my regular readers are keenly aware of this, i’m sure–is about 15. perpetually 15. yes, i’m wiser. and have better hair. and don’t wear sneakers nearly as much. but i just feel like such a kid inside that it makes absolutely no sense to me that i’m less than two weeks away (omG that’s the first time i actually counted the days) from being on this earth three decades.
three decades! thirty whole years. i just can’t wrap my mind around it. i’m not really in denial anymore, i suppose. i sort of convinced myself i was already 30 about a year ago so it wouldn’t come as such as shock when it actually happened. (haha. i know. it sounds funny but it worked!) i also convinced myself of a really good tactic to employ when i do start feeling like i’m gonna freak out: turning 30 is better than the alternative. which is not turning 30. and trust me, i want to be around for a long time. so the big, incredibly, impossibly bright silver lining is that i’ve made it. and i hear things are going to get even better.
like our teenagehood, i think the great majority of us spend most of our 20s bumbling around trying to “find” ourselves. most women i’ve talked to about turning 30 (many of them way past it themselves), say their 30s were way better than their 20s. my mom tells me that life just keeps on getting better. and i have to say that i believe her. (she also has great skin and looks impossibly young, so that helps.)
one of the best things about this wedding is that it’s completely, 100 percent distracting me from my 30th. honestly, we have absolutely no plans for my birthday (on the 6th, for the record). i kinda wish we did, but holly’ll be in class. it’s the lame-est day of the week (a monday) and we have more important things to spend our money on (uh, this wedding). (also a plus that it’s not on Yom Kippur this year. a few years ago it was, and MAN! fasting on your birthday? notsofun!) but if you’re, um, free, call me! b/c i think i still ought to toast to another 30–hell, make it 60!–years. i’m not sure if i’ll still have this blog by then (come to think of it, i hope so!), but i know one thing for sure: i’ll still be eating lunch at 11:30. and, from the elderly folks that i know/have known, my guess is it’ll be even earlier. way earlier. i’ll have to rename this blog…lunch at 10:05. haha. doesn’t have quite the same ring, but doggone, it’s funny.