baltimore is actually a pretty exciting place to live right now

i never thought i’d ever think those words, let along write them, but dogNABBIT that michael phelps has this place brimming w/Phelps Phever! we’re on the Today show! we’re in the national papers! i keep thinking, he’s from HERE! i cannot believe he’s from here. despite my decision that baltimore is, thus far and by far, the downright smelliestplace i’ve ever lived (between the stankfest that is the Inner Harbor, spice plants, random factories and mounds of steaming craaaabs every which way you turn, jersey ain’t got NOTHIN on baltimore. and btw, totally don’t think jersey deserve all those smelly jokes just b/c of one stinky spot on the nj turnpike. but i will get to all this on another day in another entry), i must admit that i’ve been feeling a surprising surge of bmore pride, and i gotta say, i like it.

in other news–BFGW (Big Fat Gay Wedding) news, i should say–i had a complete meltdown saturday in the midst of hunting for just the right material for my dress. i mean, i’m already clueless about this stuff as is, but the fact that the guy at the fabric store was MEAN to me didn’t help matters! there i was, in the middle of bumblef*ck as far as i’m concerned, looking for this that and the other thing, already feeling insecure…by the time i left, i was in tears and on the verge of a LBS (low blood-sugar) meltdown. in fact, i couldn’t even get to my dressmaker w/out stopping for nourishment. the fabric turned out to be all wrong. so i had to bring it back for an exchange (yes, they already love me there), then go back to the dressmaker, then go to joann’s fabric, then go back to the dressmaker. all the while JULIE (that’s what holly and i have named the “lady” inside our sony GPS) was shouting at me TURN RIGHT! TURN LEFT! TURN YOU IDIOT TURN! no, actually, she wasn’t. but she was confusing me and probably getting mad b/c i’m a crappyass driver. but, julie, please don’t be mad. b/c i would literally be lost w/out you. like, literally.

anyway, b/c i am neurotic and stress over everything [oh yeah, and have i mentioned the freakish eye twitchi’ve developed?? (from stress, i’m sure) so while it may seem like i’m winking at you, i’m probably not. or am i?? (insert Dr. Evil pinky-on-corner-of-mouth)] i wound up giving myself a headache. holly took me to a dark pub to calm me down with draft cider and delicious fried foods but i could barely eat or drink and only wound up getting worse, collapsing into bed at something crazy like 6 p.m.

sunday wasn’t much better, i’m afraid, but i’m happy to report that i’m much better now, esp. after a nice round of md. state lottery SCRATCH-OFFs at the local 7-11 (or “Sevs,” as we call it in jersey). i’m afraid i’m addicted to these lately. i mean *something* has to pay for this wedding, right?? (jk jk…wait? no, totally jk, but an extra 10 grand or so would def. help) i’m one of those crazys who, as soon as she wins $2 or $10 or whatever, runs right back into the store to get something like 10 more. c’mon ppl! i barely drink, don’t smoke, do drugs, am responsible to the core, really. so i like a few scratch-offs now and then! so what if i stumble outta Sevs smellin like a deep fried taquito rolled in a hot dog rolled in doritos. (i actually do smell like that at the moment.) siiiigh. no, you’re right. that is the smell of a gambling addict. breathe it in and do as i say (LAY OFF THE SCRATCH-OFFs) not as i do (sit in your car mumbling “big money big money,” covered in silvery scratch-off dust). haha. just made myself crack up. hey, something’s gotta cheer me up on a monday.

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