i never imagined a first dance. i mean, i never even imagined getting married. [not that i didn’t want to, i was just never one of those girls who dreamed of being the princess bride, if you will. (tho, as a precocious elementary school student (one who perhaps didn’t brush her hair as much as she should’ve (picture my mom and my grandma both working on a single knot somewhere on the back of my head. yeah, second grade was a rough year). however, i do remember daydreaming in elementary school that when i made it to middle school (gasp!), i’d have a boyfriend (perhaps resembling a NKOTB’er?) who’d carry my books for me down the hallway (and we all see how well THAT one worked out! gay!)] but as i was saying, seeing how i never imagined even getting married, i never imagined having what’s known as a “first dance.” holly, on the other hand, is all about wedding traditions. so when she first asked me, innocently and with much hope and anticipation, “honey, what song should we have our first dance to?” i was like, with all my bigmouth jersey charm, “w-w-w-WHAT?”
i picture us, holding each other, swaying to the music, face to face…and then BOOM! mom and dad are down for the count. ALL the mammas and the poppas are out (and perhaps a sibling here and there), and suddenly we’re all shouting, “IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? OUR PARENTS HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WE’RE TOGETHER AND THEY’VE FAINTED!”
omg omg omG. my fingers are ice as i write this. what are we gonna doooooo???
we have no one to blame but ourselves. we have coddled our families so much they don’t even realize we’re together. (“oh holly and jessica? they’re just good friends. oh yeah, the best of friends! they’re roommates and they even bought a house together! isn’t that just darling?” yeah, notsomuch.) like i said, they know but they don’t. denial is a powerful thing, ppl. ok, so before you tsk tsk us, let me explain. when holly and i met (in 2001, woh), i was what you might call…an angry gay. i was always rantin’ and ravin’ ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. DEAL W/IT, PPL, AND GO TO HELL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT. (omg, was i really like that? (silence) yes, i think i was. maybe i am goth. wait, no.) but holly, in all her quiet wisdom, would tell me, “honey, you need to give ppl time. we need to give our families time. they’ll come around.” and so for seven+ years now, if we’re with family and we’re sitting, say, on a couch, for example, we’re at least two feet away from each other at all times. when holly’s sisters are holding hands or innocently cuddling w/their husbands, yup, you guessed it–still two feet away from each other. no hugging, no hand holding and definitely not even a peck on the cheek.
we do this so we don’t make our families uncomfortable. it’s funny, how when you’re gay or have a same-sex partner or just not of the “norm,” being “respectful” means not doing same things other couples do. i mean, i’m not really on the bitter bus about it (i mean, i am a little, but, well, you know), but it does suck. so yeah, that’s why our first dance might (might?) be weird. [oh i’m so glad i’m not a mind-reader b/c i do not want to hear what’s going thru ppl’s minds as we swaaaaay to the music. (“who’s the man and who’s the woman?” “omg, are they gonna kiss? puh-leeeeze tell me they’re not gonna kiss!” “oh i think i’m gonna throw up.” “uh, maybe now’s a good time to go to the bathroom? wait, will the song be over by the time i get back?”)]
screw it all to hell, tho. eff it. cause we’re DANCIN’, ppl. oh, we’re gonna dance. and you better believe we’re gonna be happy and crying and i have a hunch everything else around us is just gonna disappear. cause at that moment (oh man, here i go tearing up again), it’s just going to be me and her. and if anyone doesn’t like it, well, too bad. cause, as holly says, “this is our one chance.” this our one chance to show our families that hell yes, we’re together. and, as the wise holly also says, “we’re gonna make everyone as uncomfortable as possible!” ‘atta girl! see why i’m marrying her? she really kicks ass.