here’s the thing about our first dance

i never imagined a first dance. i mean, i never even imagined getting married. [not that i didn’t want to, i was just never one of those girls who dreamed of being the princess bride, if you will. (tho, as a precocious elementary school student (one who perhaps didn’t brush her hair as much as she should’ve (picture my mom and my grandma both working on a single knot somewhere on the back of my head. yeah, second grade was a rough year). however, i do remember daydreaming in elementary school that when i made it to middle school (gasp!), i’d have a boyfriend (perhaps resembling a NKOTB’er?) who’d carry my books for me down the hallway (and we all see how well THAT one worked out! gay!)] but as i was saying, seeing how i never imagined even getting married, i never imagined having what’s known as a “first dance.” holly, on the other hand, is all about wedding traditions. so when she first asked me, innocently and with much hope and anticipation, “honey, what song should we have our first dance to?” i was like, with all my bigmouth jersey charm, “w-w-w-WHAT?”

i picture us, holding each other, swaying to the music, face to face…and then BOOM! mom and dad are down for the count. ALL the mammas and the poppas are out (and perhaps a sibling here and there), and suddenly we’re all shouting, “IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? OUR PARENTS HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WE’RE TOGETHER AND THEY’VE FAINTED!” 

omg omg omG. my fingers are ice as i write this. what are we gonna doooooo???

we have no one to blame but ourselves. we have coddled our families so much they don’t even realize we’re together. (“oh holly and jessica? they’re just good friends. oh yeah, the best of friends! they’re roommates and they even bought a house together! isn’t that just darling?” yeah, notsomuch.) like i said, they know but they don’t. denial is a powerful thing, ppl. ok, so before you tsk tsk us, let me explain. when holly and i met (in 2001, woh), i was what you might call…an angry gay. i was always rantin’ and ravin’ ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. DEAL W/IT, PPL, AND GO TO HELL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT. (omg, was i really like that? (silence) yes, i think i was. maybe i am goth. wait, no.) but holly, in all her quiet wisdom, would tell me, “honey, you need to give ppl time. we need to give our families time. they’ll come around.” and so for seven+ years now, if we’re with family and we’re sitting, say, on a couch, for example, we’re at least two feet away from each other at all times. when holly’s sisters are holding hands or innocently cuddling w/their husbands, yup, you guessed it–still two feet away from each other. no hugging, no hand holding and definitely not even a peck on the cheek.

we do this so we don’t make our families uncomfortable. it’s funny, how when you’re gay or have a same-sex partner or just not of the “norm,” being “respectful” means not doing same things other couples do. i mean, i’m not really on the bitter bus about it (i mean, i am a little, but, well, you know), but it does suck. so yeah, that’s why our first dance might (might?) be weird. [oh i’m so glad i’m not a mind-reader b/c i do not want to hear what’s going thru ppl’s minds as we swaaaaay to the music. (“who’s the man and who’s the woman?” “omg, are they gonna kiss? puh-leeeeze tell me they’re not gonna kiss!” “oh i think i’m gonna throw up.” “uh, maybe now’s a good time to go to the bathroom? wait, will the song be over by the time i get back?”)]

screw it all to hell, tho. eff it. cause we’re DANCIN’, ppl. oh, we’re gonna dance. and you better believe we’re gonna be happy and crying and i have a hunch everything else around us is just gonna disappear. cause at that moment (oh man, here i go tearing up again), it’s just going to be me and her. and if anyone doesn’t like it, well, too bad. cause, as holly says, “this is our one chance.” this our one chance to show our families that hell yes, we’re together. and, as the wise holly also says, “we’re gonna make everyone as uncomfortable as possible!” ‘atta girl! see why i’m marrying her? she really kicks ass.


8 responses to “here’s the thing about our first dance

  1. So they don’t officially know you’re together but they are going to be invited to your wedding? I am totally confused.

    Oh and my side note. People cant get comfortable with lets say… physical intimacy of same sex couples … unless you actually start show it to them.. you know.. holding hands and sitting close. 🙂 I’m not saying stick your tongue down her throat in front of your parents… but work up to it. Not the tongue down the throat thing… but the physical intimacy that straight couples take for granted (at least the ones that actually like each other).

  2. I think during your first dance I will mostly be thinking ‘how sweet they are and I’m so glad to be here’ rather than ‘I must go throw up’ although if I have had a lot of shots of whiskey by that point I cannot promise anything …

  3. I say you should hold her ass as you sway! Just a suggestion.

  4. i just can’t wait to find out what song you pick… even if i’m not invited, i just wanna know what song it’ll be. i have a feeling it’ll be brilliant. (and if all else fails, fall back on the genius of the lemonheads – they won’t let you down!)
    congratulations, jusqu’a…

  5. Might I suggest “Crazy for You” or “Into the Groove” or “Pappa Don’t Preach.” Do you sense a theme here?

  6. no, they know we’re together, i just think our families have trouble seeing us as an actual couple.

    yeah, def. no frenching in front of the fam. notsomuch.

  7. You gals are fab and I can’t wait to witness the beautiful love that will be in that room! And for the haters out there, I just say, “SCREW ‘EM!” (A la Anthony Hopkins post-stroke in Legends of the Fall) 🙂

  8. I’m so excited for your wedding and I’m so incredibly honored to be the one to document it!! I get teary just reading about your first dance – its going to be amazing! Promise me you won’t let anything bring you down or hold you back that day – it would break my heart. And if anyone has a problem with you two being visibly and wonderfully in love tell them to take it up with the blonde photog – I got your back girl 😉

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