you’re lucky if the mice don’t mug you around here (i.e. welcome back to baltimore!)

there’s certain things you hear in baltimore that you just don’t hear too much of in butler, PA (pee-ay) (that’s where we were for a week for xmas, just back monday night. i came down with the cold to end all colds while i was there. i’ll fill you in later). for starters, helicopters.

baltimore is a helicopter city. if it’s not the po-lice, then it’s the friggin news-copters. b/c there’s just always somethin’ going on. police chases, suspects on the run, something burning down. [a church burned down on our street last year. i was home sick that day and all the sudden it looked like a dust storm rollin by outside. i poked my head out the door, and turns out it was smoke. i was like, holy crap the church is on fire. and sho' nuff, there's the news helicopters. hopefully they didn't zoom down on me in my pjs and sneeks. (hey at least i wasn't wearing a terrycloth bathrobe and slippers) everyone came out to watch the fire. (nothing like a neighborhood fire to see who lives on your street!) i was like, don't any of you ppl work?? then, as i glanced around, i realized i didn't feel too bad in my pjs and sneeks, b/c i looked about the same (better, even!) as everyone else. ahh, baltimore.)

i have srsly digressed here. what i meant to tell you is that even tho we came home to two dead mice (haha, i'm laughing b/c i just remembered that nursery rhyme, "three blind mice/see how they run." hell, in this town you're lucky if the mice don't mug you. i couldn't give a rat's ass if they're blind or not. [we found a rat's ass in the backyard over the summer. 'nother story for 'nother day. (props to becky to throwing it out. thanks, becky!)] and the usual debauchery of our ‘hood (namely, drug dealers and hookers), i kinda missed it! i heard the familiar whapwhapwhapwhap of helicopters overhead and i…i kinda got the warm n fuzzies!

i’ll never forget when nicolina came to visit our place for the first time over the summer. we were on our roof (deck) and here come the ‘copters! it wasn’t nighttime, so there were no searchlights. (searchlights get esp. exciting when they actually make their way into your home. can you say duck & cover??) but she was like, omg! this is just like THE WIRE! i can’t wait to tell my mom!!  i was like, wait til the sun goes down, baby. then the real fun starts.

so back monday night to the noise and the dirt [and yes, two dead mice; hey, don't judge. you try sharing your rowhome walls with a overpopulated rental on one side and a shut-in old man with newspapers and books to his ceilings (we've never seen this; an exterminator told us) on the other], the alley cats (we have a lot of them; don’t even get me started) and low-ridin caddys w/tinted windows, which our fair city has no shortage of  (never honk at them, holly sternly warns me; don’t worry, baby, i won’t. maybe if i had a death wish, but i don’t so, haha,  i def. won’t). we passed the famous baltimore smokestack (above; photo taken on a clear day earlier this month. not bad for a cell pic!)–which sits just off I-95, and as much as i (and everyone else) love it, hell if i know what company it’s associated with or what sort of  product it’s involved in manufacturing–before our exit, and, tho i was highly nauseated by my aforementioned cold (which i still have, and for the record, is one of the very worst i’ve ever had) and our 5 hr ride, i was like ahhhh, we’re back. never ever thought i’d think something like that about baltimore.

i swear, i used to hate it here. i hated moving to baltimore from dc. it’s funny how things change, you know? it’s not like i love it here, but i definitely don’t shiver every time i hear someone say “baltimore” like i used to. haha. see that?  never say never.

it’s new year’s eve tonight. nicole (i.e. nicolina) and i have assured one another that 2009 is going to be the best yet. i’m kind of thinking that, too. so whatever all of you are doing tonight, stay safe, have fun and if  a low-ridin cadillac (usually with superloud bass seeping out) with tinted windows is driving ahead of you and the driver doesn’t put on his/her blinker and turns suddenly, for crying out loud, don’t honk at it. even if you’re not in baltimore. ok?? haha. ok.

happy ‘09!! here’s to your resolutions if you’ve got any! here’s to never saying never!

new feature! weird baltimore windows!

so now that the wedding is over, i can finally roll out some of the recurring features that will grace the virtual pages of lunch at 11:30 from here on out. the first one is……..

(drumroll please!)

weird baltimore windows!

ok, so if you’re not from baltimore or haven’t spent much time here (esp. in the city’s rowhome neighborhoods), you’re probably scratching your head. i’ll explain:

baltimore’s famous for a few things, its rowhomes are one of them. [along with director john waters, its inner harbor and ummmm, gosh, what else? oh, johns hopkins. aaannnnd…oh! edgar allen poe, who lived and died here, i think. (if you can think of anything, pls let me know and i’ll add your suggestions.) oh! just thought of another one: the wire. also charm city cakes of the food network’s ace of cakes. anyway, so these rowhomes. they have basements with street-facing windows. ours is full of glass blocks b/c yeah, safer. but other folks–esp. old timers who have spent decades in their rowhomes–are braver (or just clueless or just don’t care or refuse to believe that bullets can and will fly thru basement windows) and take great pride in their basement windows. so they decorate them for passerbys. some stay the same thru the year, others change with the seasons (valentine’s day is a biggie ’round here). regardless of the time of year, holly and i have passed some doozies on our frequent walks thru our neighborhood over our 2+ yrs living in the city, and my goal is to share some of the very best with you. so! w/out further ado, weird baltimore window #1:

figurines are bigwhen it comes to baltimore’s basement windows. tho i don’t see a direct connection between these. i mean, there’s a lady in a fancy dress. and flamingos. (flamingos are also way big in baltimore b/c of john waters’ famously dirty film, pink flamingos) and, like, a backyard-type bird over on the left. so yeah, there ya have it: weird baltimore window #1. (i know you wanna come visit now! oh don’t even. i know you do )

engagement anniversary!

ok, so b/c of the stupid flu-type thing i had earlier this week, i couldn’t post an entry for our one-year engagement anniversary. i wrote a cute blurb, gosh, probably over the summer, for our wedding website (c/o theknot.com) recounting the “event,” if you will.

nyc was a winter wonderland when we got engaged. it was just amazing. the cold weather, red starbucks cups (love those!), jingly holiday music and twinkling lights that have suddenly popped up everywhere bring it all back. to all of my friends who have already read this, ummm, read it again? or skip it? to everyone else, enjoy! i still crack up every time i read it.

WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED
December 1, 2007

HOW IT HAPPENED
Although Holly tried to hide it, Jessica knew it was coming. The couple planned a weekend trip to Manhattan, and Holly was obsessing over finding the perfect horse & carriage ride (or, as Holly says in her charming Pittsburghese, “horse ‘n buggy” ride) around Central Park. Jessica was suspicious, but—for once!—said nothing.

They made the brisk, blustery walk from their hotel that Saturday night, past the glowing Christmas store windows on Park Avenue, past the famous Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, weaving in between shoppers and reveling at the sparking city all around them. They chose a horse & carriage with a friendly Irish driver who absolutely insisted on pointing out cinematic landmarks as the two of them shivered under a blanket Holly placed on their laps.

“That was where Kevin saw the ‘Pigeon Lady’ in Home Alone 2,” he chirped.

Jessica felt Holly’s nerves. She got nervous, too.

“That’s the ice skating rink from Serendipity!” he said.

Oh my gosh, man! Jessica thought. Shuddup!

Holly told Jessica to stand up, turn around and take a picture of the shimmering skyline peeping out above the trees. When she sat back down, Holly retrieved a glass gift box from under the blanket filled with shiny red ribbons and a little blue box. Holly lifted the tiny box, opened it, took out the ring and, in a near-whisper, said, “I was wondering, if you’re not doing anything for the rest of your life, maybe you’d like to spend it with me?” She slipped a sparkling diamond ring on Jessica’s finger, and Jessica became, as the good Linda Richman of Saturday Night Live might say, a little vaklempt. “Yes,” she stammered, smiling. “I was so nervous for you!” They both collapsed into laughter, moments away from the end of the ride—and completely freezing. The Irish driver remained clueless, and took a photo of the two before they stepped off the carriage. (We’d post that photo here, but we both look like a couple deer in headlights.)

They walked back to their hotel hand in hand, with Holly reminding Jessica at every intersection to “Please stop staring at your ring, honey, or else you’re going to get hit by a car.” They ducked into the nearby Trump Tower so Jessica could revel in the sparkliness of her new ring under its bright lobby lights, but were promptly kicked out as it prepared to shut down for the night. Unphased–but a little cold–the girls returned to their hotel, both a lot less nervous and ready to start planning the bash of a lifetime.

holly’s grandma’s microwave

is so old and so awesome that i’ve got to tell you about it.

that’s it, above. not the best photo (c/o my cellio), i know. i was heating up some coffee [when it comes to coffee i'm no snob, and certainly not above heating up some from earlier (sometimes way earlier) in the day] over thanksgiving and was like, that’s it: i need to take a photo of it right now. every single time i use her microwave i think, man it’s so friggin fantastic that it still works after all these years. in fact, it’s so old it wasn’t even called a microwave back in the day! look closely (below)…

it’s called a “Multi-Wave”!! i know, right?? and check its digital display!

sweet, right?!!

holly’s grandma (first name: joanne) is one of those rare ppl that take such good care of things that they last forever. it’s not so much that she’s frugal or anything, it’s just that, well, i guess it hasn’t broken yet. “she refuses to get a new one,” explains holly. she actually bought it for her mother [holly's great-grandma, aka "Big Grandma," something she liked being called (actually she preferred "Fat Grandma," but that sort of morphed into Big Grandma, tho she still liked the former better). joanne is still called "Little Grandma" to this day even tho Big Grandma passed some time ago], but, holly continues, “if she knew anybody cooked her food in there she wouldn’t eat it. she just refused to use it.” it was stovetop (or the oven) for Big Grandma all the way. the family has tried for years to convince grandma joanne to buy a new one but she refuses. for her purposes (cooking a baked potato here and there, reheating thanksgiving leftovers once a year, making early-morning tea for family over the weekend), it’s just fine. so, i guess that’s the story of the microwave. my grandmother had a vacuum that just wouldn’t quit either. by the end of her life, i think we had trouble even finding bags for it. oh gosh, which reminds me (b/c my late grandma had a really old tv that she refused to replace)…her tv. omg, holly’s grandma’s console tv. that’ll have to wait til next time.

well, i wish i had something “deep” to tell you but i don’t. for the moment, the well’s run dry. i just got over the flu (omg, ppl. take your vit. c) and my brainpower’s not at its finest. it’s back to work w/me tomorrow. the wedding photos are coming soon i promise.

what is it about the holidays…

that makes them so doggone difficult once we grow up?

what is it about families that makes us play tug’a war when really, all we want to do is be together and love each other and get along? what makes the water so cloudy? how do things get so murky and bent outta shape? these are the things i’m thinking about now that i’ve abandoned my original thanksgiving plans, and prepare to board a plane (my first time in the air in a loooong time; i won’t even tell you how long) tomorrow night so i can join holly and her family for thanksgiving.

i find myself longing for simpler times more often than i’d like to admit these days, esp. around this time of year. for those of us lucky enough to have had a happy (or happy-ish/decent) childhood, being a kid was pretty easy. i mean, sometimes it felt kinda heavy–after all, the world’s a pretty confusing place when you’re small (hell, it’s confusing enough when you’re grown)–but looking back on it, we had no bills to pay, no large unspoken issues to skirt around, nothing too uncomfortable aside from a tummy ache here and there and uncooperative velcro on our sneakers (hey, i am a child of the 80s after all). and while we couldn’t recognize it back then, we could just…be. you know?

in the summer, the shout of a child or the sound of a pool splash whooshes me back (they say it’s our sense of smell more than any of our other senses that bring memories back to life but to me it’s sounds) to piping hot and buttery grilled cheese sandwiches at the community pool, to french fries and red swedish fish and dunking under ice cold water and not feeling embarrassed to be in a swimsuit. when thanksgiving rolls around, the toot of a train horn sucks me back into an amtrak cafe car with a cup of coffee in front of me, a newspaper i wasn’t paying attention to laid out on the table with scenery whooshing by me at 90 mph, reflecting about how much i’d grown in college, all my classes, my assignments, the new friends i had made. not childhood exactly, but definitely still adolescence.

so as i board the plane to pittsburgh, PA (“pee-ay“) tomorrow night, my hope is that i can literally and figuratively rise above all the bad feelings our wedding brought to the surface. i hope my family can somehow patch up our collective wounds. it takes time, i know that. i just wish it hadn’t cast a dark shadow on what should have been the best day of my life.

“i love you,” she said. “i’ll always love you no matter what.”

grandma's couch, butler, PA

our hands were cold as ice as we drove to holly’s grandma’s saturday afternoon. we sat in the front seat of holly’s jeep, looking at each other occassionally as we zoomed around corners and winding roads, finally down the hill into the old section of butler, where it looks like a little city, with houses mostly made of brick, sidewalks and shoe stores, cleaners and a grand city hall. most homes in downtown butler have seen better days, but her grandma’s house is always impeccable, inside and out. (and when i say impeccable, i mean, put-a-white-glove-on-and-inspect-for-dust-and-you’ll-find-none impeccable) we made the trip last weekend not only to visit with holly’s family (our last before the wedding), but mostly to tell her grandma that we’re getting married. we wanted to do it in person. we would have done it a long time ago, but holly’s been so scared to break her grandma’s heart. she’s had a full life–a life of pride and love and hard work and family–but she’s also had a lot of disappointment, and the last thing holly would ever want to do is add to that, she just loves her so much…

she found out we were together a couple years ago. we didn’t tell her, someone else did. we think he did it to hurt her. his plan backfired b/c she wasn’t hurt, holly’s (twin) sister found out when she talked to her–she was just sad she was the last to know. since then, holly’s never actually talked to her grandma about us, but, when they speak every night, she always asking who’s cooking dinner, what i’m up to, what we’re doing, etc. it’s like she knows, but she doesn’t. we think she just kinda absorbed the information and pushed it to the back of her mind. it’s never been an issue. she likes me. i’m crazy about her. but in (GULP!) three weeks (from tomorrow) a good percentage of holly’s family will be coming down to DC to attend our wedding and, well, she needs to know.

so we arrived. holly sat her down on the couch and i sat nearby on an armchair. holly handed her an invitation. the type’s a little small (doggone internet printers!), so she put on her glasses and leaned over the arm of the couch to examine it under the light. she turned around and looked at holly and then looked at me and said she was a little confused. she looked so small and cute, with her glasses making her eyes look bigger than they actually are. (i love that about grandmothers!) it didn’t take long to explain things to her, and all i have to say is thank goodness she watches “access hollywood” before she goes to bed every night and thank goodness ellen got married b/c she got it, she really did. (“i see on tv that they’re all doing it,” she said) i’m not going to say she’s over the moon about it. but she didn’t shed a tear and she didn’t get mad or even have a cross look pass over her sweet little face.

since this was the first time we actually addressed the fact that we’re a couple, we covered all the bases. “i kinda figured,” grandma said. “and if this is what makes you happy.” everyone deserves to live their own life she said, and “if the Lord’s ok with it, then so am i.” she asked if my parents know and if they’re ok with it and i said yes. it was a really good conversation, and very quickly lightened a huge load off our collective shoulders, especially holly’s. poor thing, she was crying before her grandma even finished reading the invitation. it’s so close to thanksgiving, her grandma said, so she probably won’t be able to make it. (she makes thanksgiving dinner for at least a dozen ppl, usually more, each year, so she starts preparing way in advance, it’s so cute.)

we stood up to leave, our socked feet (everyone has to take off their shoes as the door) sinking into her perfect, plush carpet, and she looked at holly. “i love you,” she said, turning to holly. “i’ll always love you no matter what and i’ll love you until the day i die. i don’t feel any differently about you. you’re my granddaughter and i love you.”

i’ll tellya, there’s nothing like a grandmother to get my waterworks going. it was all i could do to keep it together. she gave us nice tight hugs, and we put our shoes back on and walked down the porch steps across the street to the car. she looked out at us thru her storm door like she always does and waved as we drove off. we waved back and grasped each other’s hands over the cupholders as we drove back to holly’s parents’, each sighing a huge sigh of relief. we did it, holly said. we did it. indeed we did. i can’t wait until after our wedding when we look at each other, sigh and say the very same thing.

i miss you guys already

i didn’t anticipate crying the way i did this weekend. all weekend. at the indian restaurant when we first got into rochester (and upon hearing some wonderful, wonderful news). in the lobby the next morning, as nicolina (bff/MOH) and i sipped overpriced coffee on puffy couches. in the driveway of the happy couple’s home as Mrs. S (formerly Ms. JG, aka hottie social worker) and n. put their sweet arms around me, and kept reassuring me that yes, everything’s going to be ok, the wedding will be amazing and you will look spectacular and yes, you’re normal and no, don’t feel bad you’re crying. then again in the restaurant as we gathered for a post-wedding breakfast and said farewell (til november). and again (this time really badly) about a half-hour later on nicole’s shoulder at the rochester airport before she headed back to her beautiful city by the bay…

to be honest, two of those instances (indian restaurant and hotel lobby) i managed to keep the tears in–but just barely. and i’m not even mentioning all the times over the weekend i teared up privately w/holly. and now, as i write this, i’m crying again. these days, i seem to be a bottomless well of emotions. literally. i’ve never felt this way before. it’s almost like my feelings have formed this tight ball deep in my chest– somewhere between my heart and my throat–and it’s constantly unravelling and winding back up again. 

it’s so hard to explain exactly why i’m crying. and when i try to start explaining–or even start thinking about it–i get emotional all over again. but after seeing some of my very best friends this weekend, i think it boils down to the following:

i love my friends. i love them more than ever. i loved them before but i love them more and more every single day. and when i think about their participation in this wedding, i swear, i just start losing it. see, the great majority of these friends i met in college. and i spent a lot of college joking around and having fun and doing crazy things to my hair. but, (like a lot of other ppl, i imagine) i also spent a lot of time in college holding things in, too afraid to let the tough jersey-girl guard down. nearly a decade later and seven+ yrs into a relationship, the tough-girl act is long gone. sure, i still do my share of trash talkin, still wear lots of black and yeeees, still rock the spiky belts pretty much every day. but anyone who knows me knows that i just might be one of the most sensitive ppl in the universe. some days i honestly feel like an open wound. like, i can barely even watch tv news. and i’m so used to showing holly that side of me, of not holding anything back, that–as odd as it sounds–showing it to my oldest friends–the ones who knew me way back when–is tough for me. but i finally let ‘er rip this weekend. and it felt good. so, as we reach the official two-month mark til our wedding (today; gulp), i just want to say to my friends: thank you. i love you. and thank you for loving me. looking into your eyes (but mostly looking down, i suppose, considering all the tears and nose-blowing) in simos’ driveway, under the gray skies of rochester, receiving your hugs on his stoop, was more than i could have ever asked for. i’ll see you girls soon. xxo.

meet me at the tractors

before i begin writing this entry, it’s essential that you know that holly’s hometown of butler, PA (“pee-ay”) is NOT a farm town. it’s actually a big place, a city, really, and much bigger (and a helluva lot less snotty) than my hometown of caldwell, nj, (OLD-SCHOOL Z100 SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY JERSEY PPL IN THE HOUSE SAY HOOO-OOOOH! say ho! ho! now screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam!) but there are farms in the vicinity of butler, PA–and a lot more green than baltimore, dc or northern jersey–which means big animals, four-wheelers, huge lawnmowers, tractors and yes, farm shows.

the whole family went out to the butler farm show saturday night, a dusty, sun-filled extravaganza of fresh-off-the-’tater fries, trucks, squeaky/wildly-blinking rides (that you could only get me on if you killed me first–fyi, totally not just saying that), smelly (but awesome) animals and also peach (and apple) cobblers drowning in fresh vanilla softserve (hold me down, omg. so good). as the saying goes, a picture speaks a thousand words, so, without further ado, here’s a brief tour:

first we got our hands stamped with sticky acrylic paint-type stuff. that's holly's arm on the left, mine on the right. (i know, you all were dying to see what our arms look like.)

first we saw some animals. they were adorable, if not a tad smelly. i found it really funny that they were there at all, i mean, just for us to look at and stuff. 

heeeeeere, chicky chicky chicky.... (i said come HERE dammit! omg wtf don't they LISTEN?!)

cows, less than thrilled to see us. (WAIT, *this* is where milk comes from?? omg i'm totally not drinking it anymore.)

farmers...or secret lovers?? (or both?) haha, i know, i'm terrible, right??

wheeeeeeeeee! (yeah, like i said, if you want to get me on one of those, you're gonna havta carry my cold, dead body w/ya. good luck w/that.)

butler beauty school representin'!

well! now that i know john the greek has welcomed me to the fair, i feel so...welcome! (found this adjacent to one of the fair's many gyro stands.)

well dip me in batter and drop me in hot oil! i'll take 15 fried oreos, please!

good to know considering i just--burp!--ate 15 fried oreos. (found this gem of a sign at a indoor church booth. it was above a funhouse-type mirror that, yes, did, in fact, make me look quite wide.)

by the time we were finished at the farm show, my black pumas were thoroughly dusty and i was uncomfortably full of assorted fried delicacies–something i do not partake of often but i do enjoy (that is, until about two minutes later when the requiste guilt and stomacheache kick in). the next morning (yesterday), we all went to celebrate the baptism of baby brennan, holly’s newest nephew. i volunteered to be the family photog. this is something that started, let’s see, two summers ago at the baptism of landon (one of holly’s other nephews, both belonging to her twin sister). it must’ve been august then–or september?–and holly’s mom asked if i could do it. i shrugged and said, sure, why not. i felt a sense of pride that she would bestow such an important task in my hands–hands that, at that point, were not all that accustomed to digital cameras. i felt weird enough, being in a church at all, had never been to a baptism and taking photos to boot? but i rose to the challenge, as they say, and before i knew it, was zooming in on the holy water like a pro. this time around, holly’s mom didn’t even ask me; i brought her camera along and got up with holly, her two sisters, niece and brother-in-law when the pastor called them up to the front.

i mean, here’s the thing: i’m just a jewish girl from new jersey. and, really, it was just a coincidence that i didn’t wear all black yesterday morning. usually i feel like i stick out like a sore thumb, not only in holly’s town, but in her family. it’s been tough-going w/both our families over the past seven years. but holly’s family, they’re tight. they fight hard, but they love even harder. getting used to “us” (and me, esp. me) has been a process. and i’m the first to admit that i’ve been a giant pain the ass (i’d blame it more on culture shock vs. actually being a pain in the ass, tho i can def. be one of those, too) but being up there, involved like i was, my fear of being at the front of the church, in view of absolutely everybody, to get a good shot, my hesitation of not actually being a “real” part of the family…it all sort of slipped away. in fact, i don’t think i’ve ever felt more like a part of the family. in the midst of it, i turned around to look at everyone in the pews, and holly’s mom and i locked eyes for a moment–and we both smiled at each other. it put a lump in my throat, it really did. b/c in that moment, for the very first time, i felt like i really belonged there. i wanted to be there and ppl wanted me there. seven years in the making and not a moment too soon. welcome to the world, baby brennan! i’m aunt jessica. nice to meet you.

holly (aka, the Baby Whisperer) and brennan, post-baptism.

hot damn

i love all you people! <<sigh>> and i love your comments! it’s hard for me to believe all the ppl who actually want to read this craziness. bless your little hearts, i love ya for it.

i pledge to try and update as regularly as possible (tho, as mentioned below, the occasional headache might strike me down for a day or two). i’m going to “WESTERN PA” tomorrow afternoon. [yes, there was yet another baby born into holly's gi-norm-o family(his name's brennan and, yes, he's fabulous) so we have a baptism to attend. (and *yes*, when mentioning towns and cities in pennsylvania, you must say "PA" (pronounced "PEE-AY"), especially when you're referring to western PA. omg, *esp.*) example: washington, PEE-AY, pittsburgh, PEE-AY, ferdonia, PEE-AY] perhaps i’ll check in from there and tell you how hard it is to eat around all the pork and fried food. for a kosher jew on weight watchers?? yeah, notsomuch.