there are better things out there for me

i know this. i feel it. b/c i was laid off today. one door closes, a window opens.

i wasn’t the only one, either. ten percent of the organization was cut, 18 ppl.

i’ll tell you all, for those of you that don’t know me personally, or don’t know me well, i was miserable for a long time, so i’m looking at this as a blessing, an opportunity, more than anything.

i’m not going to go into it b/c, while i may have what some might call a big mouth (me??? never), i like to keep things classy. (anyway, all the juicy stuff is for my book, so you’re just going to have to wait ) but. i will say the following:

1) i have a sneaking suspicion i’m going to be getting a lot less headaches now.

2) while i’m stressing about cashflow (holly was laid off three weeks before our wedding, so, this doubly sucks) i am overwhelmed w/joy that i will be able to enjoy the season that i am ape-sh*t crazy for: fall.

 as in, i won’t be chained to my (ex) desk in my (ex) windowless office. i’ll be able to actually (gasp!) walk around, go to the park (with holly. during the *day*…sigh), stomp on soon-to-be-crunchy leaves and pet as many puppies as i want w/out any concern for time. as in: no busybody admin ladies who are all oddly obsessed w/my comings and goings noting in their little black admin books when i’ve left and when i return. the delight i feel at the prospect of this …well, i almost have no words for it.

3) twitter. w/said admin busybodies out of my hair, the tweets are unlocked, baby! it is ON! i’m in the process of putting the feed back up. bring it!

and, finally, last but certainly certainly not least:

4) lunch. lunch at home. and i don’t even have to wait til 11:30. (and i can eat it on the roof.)

good night, my lovelies. and to my facebook peeps: a million thanks for the kind words! (turns out facebook isn’t just great for coming out, launching blogs, having Big Fat Gay Weddings (BFGWs) and birthdays. it’s also pretty awesome when you lose your job.) you all are saying what i’ve been thinking since i got the news at 10 this morning, my breakfast barely digested and my to-go coffee mug from home still hot: this is a brand new beginning for me. and i’ll tell you something in case you don’t already know:

i’m completely unsinkable.

and like all those friggin cats that found their way into our walls this winter, i always land on my feet. something wonderful is going to come of this. i don’t know what right now, but it will. and altho i’m stressed in an unfamiliar new way, i have my life back. i. have my life. back. and i’m never going to lose myself like that again.

great news for all lunch at 11:30 fans

i’ve started work on my memoir, which will essentially be my blog on steroids. only better. in chapters. maybe w/capital letters? names will be changed to protect the innocent (or not-so-innocent, as the case may be).

who will play me when it’s made into a movie?? she must be hott. and willing to kiss chicks. no jersey accent required.

“i’ve been busy, babe”

i noticed tonight that holly hasn’t made me lunch in a long while (and you know how i love lunch). like, a looooong while. the days of the weekday packed lunch? yeah, total halcyon days. (now there’s an SAT word for ya) .

b/c while my unlawfullywedded pard’ner may still be job hunting, she’s back in school and has lots of homework. so when i commented after dinner, “hey, you haven’t packed my lunch in a long time! remember when you used to pack my lunch?” she was like, “i’ve been busy, babe!”

busy my bum. i want lunch (!).

when was the last time anyone packed your lunch?

for real.

i mean, i haven’t gotten my lunches packed since, gosh, probably elementary school? [no, no, i wasn't raised by wolves. (plus, there's no wolves in new jersey. ijs.)  i just opted for the cardboard cafeteria pizza and juice drinks (whhhhyyyy??) once i got to middle school. (there's probably a crust of that pizza or a some renegade fake cheese hiding out somewhere in my intestines. ok, that's gross. but again: iJs.)] but srsly, if you stop to think about it, there’s something so special about getting your lunch packed.

it’s hard to put my finger on…maybe b/c the mere fact that someone does that for you means they care about you. and if you’re lucky, there’s a little something extra special in there for you–a note, maybe, in mom handwriting (“i love you” or “have a great day!” or “see you soon, honey!”) or a nice little dessert. the whole thing gets me nostalgic (i’m probably the most nostalgic person ever). so you’re probably asking yourself: why is she writing about this anyway?? here’s why:

now that holly’s home a good portion of the day (she was laid off in october, three weeks before our wedding. don’t even get me started), not only is she available to cook dinner [she's a GREAT cook. messy, but great (hi, hunny! i'm sure you'll read this sometime today...)] but she packs me LUNCH!

and you know how i feel about lunch. big fan of lunch. huuuuuuge.

these days, the lunches are leftovers, which i love. and the way she packs them is just so special. like, she puts everything in all these different tupperware containers and plastic baggies and knows i like this separated from that (i’m incredibly picky about these things) and wraps things in tin foil so nicely. this morning (after she made me a delicious egg & cheese sandwich) she put my lunch is one of the leftover gift bags we have from the wedding (used as welcome bags for out-of-towners staying in our hotel wedding block), which, fittingly enough, are made of brown paper bag material.

so i’m running around like crazy this morning, kinda grumpy from a headache (from today’s double-digit temperature jump, no doubt) and not feeling like i want to leave the house at all. and she’s like, “here’s your lunch, honey!” and i look down into this bag, and just above the lil ziploc bag of tositos (to go w/the tiny container of salsa she packed for me, awww) sit two of those super mini candy bars (milky way darks; also from wedding) and i’m like, “awww, hunny!” (yes, i’m a huge sucker for, well, pretty much anything.) i gave her a hug and a kiss and the world, despite the rain outside, suddenly became a much brighter place. and seeing how it’s just after 11 am, you know i’m gonna be breakin’ into that lil lunchbag soon. (but i’ll probably save the candybars til later) it’s really the little things in life, you know?