break the cycle of meanness

my original flow chart: break the cycle of meanness by turning around and being nice to someone. (no, i'm not NEW AGE. hell, i wear black every day!)

back when i was a wee intern, i can say with great certainty that, for the most part, i was treated like sh*t. kind of like a doormat–but worse. this cycle continued to my first job, where my editor literally made me break down in her office. months later, as a temp in dc (for an eye-opening year and a half), i came into close contact with a great number of people that seemed to take great pleasure in demeaning me. in other words, ppl were mean to me. and yes, some of them made me cry.

but you know what i did? instead of taking it out on someone else, i’d wipe my eyes, turn around and be nice to someone. i started doing this all the time in my day-to-day activities. nasty-as-sin cashier at cvs? big smile to the person walking in as i’m walking out. hateful colleague does me wrong? a complimentary email to someone i think is doing a great job. the list goes on.

so i’ve been doing this for years now, and i came up with a flowchart that i finally put on paper (well, my computer screen; see above) today. see, when one person is mean to another, the recepient of that meanness will often be mean to someone else. my theory is to break the cycle. break the friggin cycle of meanness and turn around and be nice to someone. chances are that person will be filled with such gladness that they just might reach out and be nice to someone else and so on and so forth.

think of the power of this! i’m completely serious. i’m about the least new-agey person you’ll ever meet, but i honestly believe it could change the world.

i started supervising interns a couple years ago. the first one i had said to me one day, “i can’t believe how nice you are.” and i got chills. i told her that ppl were so mean to me when i was an intern/recent undergrad in the workforce, that i pledged to myself that one day, when i had ppl reporting to me, i’d treat them how i wish i had been treated back then.

i think a lot of ppl, they figure, hey, i was treated like crap when i was young and just starting out. that’s how the cookie crumbles. so they treat their employees like sh*t. or their interns. whoever. but it shouldn’t be that way. (it’s like these ppl forget how it was to be young and scared; they should take a moment to remember those days)  i’d like to think that my teary days as a late teen/early twentysomething have paid off to those i supervise now. and to strangers when i give them my seat on the subway b/c some jerk just shoved me.

so yeah, try it. if you get flipped off by some friggin idiot on the road, let someone out of a driveway on a busy street. you’ll feel a lot better. and if my flowchart is right, you might just make a dent in the world.

happy friday!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOO STEELERS!!!!

if i half-pronounced my words, would i be rich, too?

lil wayne. iiii'jus sayin.

and wore my pants on, like, half my butt only?

case in point: lil wayne. all the kids love him. and clearly he’s doing something right b/c he’s rich as sin. i mean, look. i see the entertainment value in him. i do. and he does excel at the whole-body tattoo thing (that he does all the way). and the dirty lyrics. but, like, really. the guy only says half of each word. have you noticed? iiii’jus sayin.

it’s just, like, i wanna be rich, too, dammit. and if it takes cutting down on my syllables and grabbin a huge-o pair’a jeans and cinchin’em low, i’m willing to do it!! (haha. i just totally made myself crack up. it is friday yet???)

GO STEELERS!

quick poll: what’s more annoying…?

going to subway and coming back to your office smelling like a sub?

or stopping at 7-11 (or “sevs,” as we call it in jersey) for a cuppa coffee and smelling like a mini-refried-deep-fried-fake-beef  toquito for the rest of the day?

this is a hard call, as both seem to equally permeate clothing, especially in the winter when you’re wearing sweaters and scarves.

anyway, let me know what you think. b/c right now i smell like a sub and it’s driving me crazy.

i am nursing a serious crush on the first couple

and i don’t think i’m the only one.

how fabulous are the obamas??? i mean, how outrageously fabulous are they?? i just love them. love them.

i could barely pull myself away from the tv yesterday. i mean, barely even to eat or use the bathroom. i have never felt this away about politics. i have never been excited about a political leader. ever. but seeing president barak obama and first lady(!!) michelle obama walk down constitution ave. yesterday (past my old stomping grounds; sigh, how i miss my dc…), i could barely keep it together. (they’re such *rockstars* i kept thinking!!! rock stars!)  i am just so proud that we elected them. we did! us! can you believe it?? i keep mentally pinching myself b/c it seems just too good to be true. but it is true. that’s the very best part.

oh and seeing them dance! swoon! her *dress*! and his tux! and those KIDS?! and the grandma! goodness gracious, i could just eat up the entire family! eatthemup! (he’s also a lefty! just like ME! did anyone notice he’s a lefty??)

i have talked to more strangers lately, i’m telling you. ppl on the train, cab drivers, starbucks baristas–and there’s just such a feeling of unity and excitement, it’s just amazing. i’m like, why couldn’t this have happened sooner? to have an african-american family–and such a progressive, forward-thinking president–in the white house…the thought alone just makes me want to break down. i swear, i was already crying when they arrived for coffee at the white house. and then when aretha started singing, forget it. i was a mess.

between this and the steelers on their way to the superbowl…it’s like everything’s falling into place (sorry, ravens fans. hey, no hard feelings, right? you fought a good fight.)

so yeah. about that crush. it’s here and it’s real. (oh stoppit, i know you feel it, too. so just give in…)

WELCOME TO DC, MR. PRESIDENT AND MRS. FIRST LADY!!!! you’re going to love it here! if you need anything, i’m just over in baltimore. it’s not far. we’ll make the trip out. really, it’s no problem.

please don’t slash our tires b/c we’re steelers fans

alternate headline?

“what it’s like being a steelers fan in baltimore”

a.k.a. “please don’t shoot me” “please don’t yell at me” “please don’t paint my car purple” “please don’t choke me with purple-sprinkled dunkin’ donuts”

granted, maybe it was the wrong move to put on the steelers jeep tire cover on holly’s car. aaaaand….wearing my steelers jersey to my ravens-lovin’ office maaaaaay have been the wrong move today. [the longtime rivals will be battling it out this weekend; i don't know a whole lot about football, but i do know whoever wins will be going on to the superbowl (which i still call the "superball." i mean, it sounds so much better! whatever. i'm five. i realize this.)]

holly and i really weren’t thinking when we made our weekend plans a couple weeks ago. i’m going to nyc/nj to visit my family. she’s driving to western pee-ay to visit hers. (our first time apart since our wedding! two months ago yesterday, awwww) we looked at each other after the ravens won last weekend like a coupla deer in headlights:

WHAT WE’RE WE THINKING!!!!???? seperating for the final steelers playoff?? and against baltimore?? omG!

at least she’llbe with fellow steelers fans. i’ll be in northern jersey in a household where the last time a football game was on was probably during the reagan administration. so, yeah. oh well. hopefully my parents won’t run out of the house into the freezing cold after i start shouting at the tv. and hopefully i’ll keep it clean. [i accidentally dropped the f-bomb in front of my mom a while back when she was visiting. (hey! i ran over a curb! trying not to hit a personin a parking lot! cut me some slack, ppl! i swear i'm a good kid!) she was like, "JESSICA!" and i was like, "what?!" "do you know what you just said?" "umm...crap?" "no!" (i seriously forgot. i promise you. i think i immediately repressed the memory b/c i knew whatever was about to happen was going to be so painful.) "you said f***!" i don't know which was more disturbing:  the fact that i cursed so badly ("eff" is a bad one in terms of parents. i'm sure i don't need to tell you this) in front of my mom, or hearing her say it herself. maybe the latter?)]

and speaking of jersey…

i got a new car last night. japanese! yessss! so i’m cleaning out the remnants of my ‘05 two-door chevy cavalier [hey, at least it was a sport model. and had a spoiler. so, yeah. still, it was a pretty lame car. (tho, when i was wearing one of my infamous bandana/frosty lipstick combos while driving, i did, in fact, truly look like a latina gangmember. all i needed were some glowing lights and a chainlink border around my license plate.)] last night in front of the dealership in the cold. and i’m not shedding a single tear about it. just before i shut the door for the last time, i’m like, oh! the cd player!

i press eject and what pops out? bon jovi. “new jersey” circa ‘88 (?). that’s my heritage right there! don’t ever tell me i’ve lost my roots! you can take the girl outta jersey, but you can’t take the jersey outta the girl

happy friday!!!

this city can’t stop crime, but it sure can install purple lights overnight

yes, indeedy. our mayor may be making national headlines w/an indictment list a mile long (four counts of perjury, three counts of theft, and three counts of fraudulent misappropriation by a fiduciary and two counts of misconduct, according to the Sun) and the cops usually won’t even show up when we make midnight phone calls about our neighbors breaking bottles over each others’ heads, but doggone! them ravens! well, hon, you’d better believe the entire city is suddenly lit up like a chunk of freshly chewed grape bubblicious–purple lights *everywhere*.

city hall. the po-lice station. inner harbor. pretty much everywhere.

as a steelers fan (i met holly as not only an unaffiliated football fan, but hardly a sports fan at all; i have since morphed into a trash talkin’, chip-throwin’, jersey-wearin’, terrible towel-wavin’ football fan that, yes, “bleeds black ‘n gold”), this is particularly tough for me. but whatever, we’re in baltimore, i get it. it’s fine. (and to be completely honest, i’ve always liked the color purple.) it’s just really annoying to see the city responding so quickly to their sports team, while letting little scary things like, oh, crime–you know, stuff like the drug house across the street from us (and its associated daytime, in-plain-sight deals and lookout kids on bikes)–just sorta, you know, slip by. i’m all for team spirit, but c’mon. maybe if the city put as much effort into making daily life safer and more livable as it does installing purple lights, i wouldn’t be considering taking up kung fu to protect my jersey ass when i’m walking the 200 hundred feet from my car to my front door.

the camera doesn’t just add 10

it adds 20. srsly, ppl.

holly and i watched our wedding video for the first time last night. i’m not one that likes to even look at photos of herself, much less moving images. so let’s just say i wasn’t one of those recent brides who was bubbling over with excitement at the mere *thought* of watching her wedding video.

after viewing it in its entirety, i must say the following:

1. yes, the camera really does add 20. i’m not kidding. this must be why tv personalities are so skinny in real life. b/c if you’re, say, a normal, average-type weight (which i consider myself to be) you will no doubt look like a blimp on the tube.

2. boy i really looked like i was gonna throw up under the chuppah! (that’s the jewish marriage canopy; the couple stands under it during the marriage ceremony) also, my eyes were moving around a lot! i looked a little weird. but it could have been worse: i could have barfed. or fainted. which i didn’t. and for that i give myself three snaps in a z formation.

3. holly and i kept talking to each other during ceremonial things. what were we talking about?! ya got me. (tho, if memory serves me right, we were just trying to keep each other from aforementioned barfing and fainting.)

4. clearly i blanked out. from nerves, i suspect. b/c doggone it! all that stuff the rabbi was saying? yeah, totally forgot what she said. don’t even think i heard it in the first place. nice ceremony, tho!! glad i finally got to hear it!

5. we have good-looking friends!! haha! no, i knew that already. but all you guys, if you’re reading, you looked fabulous. really and truly.

6. for some reason, i didn’t realize the sheer mass of ppl dancing the horah with us and around us (that’s how us jews celebrate–we dance around and around in circles til we’re dizzy. then newlyweds are hoisted up on chairs and bounced around in the air by drunk ppl! i must say, i surprised myself by how much i enjoyed this!) holly and i were in the middle of the circle. then my mom and i linked arms and danced. and it’s funny, i mean, i knew there were ppl around us, but i was so focused on holly, then my mom, that i didn’t notice. our cameraman (our friend peter! hi pete!) must’ve stood up on a chair and he got this spectacular aerial view. and i was awestruck by all the friends circling around us. i mean, it was unbelievable. so much love, so much support. all these bodies and smiles swirling around and around us…finally seeing that on video was worth every wince of actually seeing myself on camera. it really was. thank you, wonderful friends, for surrounding us with so much love.

 happy friday, everyone!

i know instant coffee gets a bad rap

but i just want to take this opportunity (as i sip piping hot, yes, instant coffee) to say i think it’s unwarranted.

i am one who isn’t ashamed to admit when she likes something lame, unpopular, uncool or just plain cheesy. i’ve admitted my ongoing affinity for britney spears (despite her varying, very public mental states; hey, don’t judge. how would you act if you were constantly followed and scrutinized? i bet we’d all look more than a little nuts under the microscope). that mtv paris hilton show, “my new bff.” also lindsay lohan’s apparent lez-out w/”gal pal” (i.e. gayhomosexualgirlfriend) samantha ronson (hey, go’head and be gay for a day, girl! i’ve got no problem w/it! send pics!). i also love new jersey (HOLLA! where i was raised, YO). and i’m adding instant coffee to the mix b/c I’M NOT ASHAMED!

i didn’t even know i liked it until sheer desperation of terrible office coffee (eight o’clock bean, ugh) threw me into its freeze-dried embrace. i like to say that “bad coffee is better than no coffee” (i also say “bad curry is better than no curry”; i’m a huge indian food fan) but when it comes to coffee at my office, i need to break my own rule. i just can’t drink it. it actually gives me a headache.

enter instant coffee. all you need is hot water and you’re in business. you can make it as strong as you like and it’s ready immediately. [the best brand, in my humble opinion, is taster's choice. you can even buy boxes (for just over a buck!) of these adorable little single-serve packets, perfect for when you're up at the cracka'dawn in western pee-ay and there's not a caffeinated cuppa coffee to be found.] don’t get me wrong, i loooove freshly brewed coffee but when i’m in need, i reach for the little, brown, caffeinated crunchies–my 9-5 savior. 

so there. i said it. the secret’s out, ppl. check back soon for more skeletons from my gayhomosexual closet.

if you keep your ears open long enough, you’re bound to hear something pervy

altho holly would beg to differ (what, b/c i forget 40% of what she tells me in two minutes or less??), i can be an extremely good listener.

ppl tell me a lot of personal stuff–sometimes ppl i barely know–which honestly? i love. b/c a) i love helping ppl feel better [even if it's only a matter of lending an ear, telling someone they're "normal" (i mean, what the hell is "normal" anyway??) or vindicating them with w/a string of new jersey-inspired profanities] and b) i love being the sole receptacle of juicy information (hey, i’m a journalist– occupational hazard).

i think ppl tell me things b/c i’m a good listener and non-judgemental. also, i give good hugs, usually have tissues nearby and always have some sort of hard candy or snack in my bag  (hard candy and/or snacks always seem to cheer ppl up). also i don’t blab. you tell me something and it’s under lock and key, baby. but if i overhear something from someone i don’t know? yeah, all bets are off.

which brings me to last night. last night, c/o of a very generous gift certificate, holly and i had an impromptu date night at baltimore’s eye-poppingly fabulous pazo (the place? seriously? gor-geous). we really needed it. we’re going on month three, post-layoff and yeah, we needed a monday night pick-me-up.

so we sit down at a table, and shortly after we’re seated, another couple is seated close by. it’s this guy and this girl and they’re clearly on a date. a first date or maybe a second. they’re both young-ish, seems like, but not super young. she’s gorgeous, he’s handsome in a regular sort of way.

anyone who’s ever been a restaurant can tell you that sometimes it’s nearly impossible not to hear the conversation going on next to you. this was no exception, and the more they (i.e. he) drank, the easier it was to hear. midway thru our meal, i found out he was a musician. she was some sort of professional, dressed to the nines.

from the start, he was puttin it on pretty thick,  telling her how beautiful her hands were (! haha), and generally cheesin’ it up, as i like to say. like asking the waitress if she was from this country originally, and loudly pointing out that the conductor of the baltimore symphony orchestra (who, admittedly, is quite fabulous) was sitting “over there.” by the time we got to dessert and coffee, he was onto more salacious topics.

“everyone thinks she’s a lesbian, but she’s not,” he said rather proudly of some woman he probably (from the sound of it) thought was hot.

“really?” asked his dining companion.

“yeah.”

don’t ask me how it happened, b/c my ears aren’t that good, and i was on my own date after all (!), but soon he was asking her is she had any “girl fun,” i think was the term he used. i’m like, nohejustdidn’t. and she was like, yeah, but pretty bashful. and he was like, oh yeah? how many times?

she’s like, “two or three.” (or more. in college. busy girl!) now she’s really got his attention–and they’ve both got mine. i’m like, psst! holly! doyouhearwhatthey’retalkingabout?? she’s like, huh? concentrating more on the dessert shimmering in front of us [and i don't blame her. the espresso ice cream? TDF! (to die for)] than what’s being said next to us. i clue her in and she opens her eyes wide. i keep listening.

“two girls?”

“yeah.”

“how many times?”

(d’oh! missed that one. shoot.)

“wow. two guys?”

didn’t hear her response to this. didn’t hear much more, actually, since i was whispering everything to holly, who apparently couldn’t hear anything. (haha) i think their talk got much more scandalous b/c eventually their voices got pretty low, but he was all up her shiz. they were behind me, but in front of holly. on our way out, holly said from the looks of it, it seemed like maybe she was just after a free, fancy dinner. and hell, at a place like pazo, i don’t blame her.

but still. he was kinda pervy. i kept waiting to see  if she was being tricked on a reality show or something, but alas, we left too soon to find out. (doubt it, tho. when was the last time they had a reality show in baltimore? yeah, exactly. not exactly a hotbed of reality tv over here.)

there’s no moral to this story, really. well, maybe there is: if you’re sitting in a fancy, quiet restaurant and want to talk about past threesomes and other salacious hookups, lower your voices, fer cryin out loud. or drink less. unless, of course, you want the journalist sitting next to you to write about it the next day on her blog. ijs.

is it just me?

…or is this a really big remote?? iJs.
(i know that this sort of remote could be helpful for the elderly–and, trust me, i’m a huge fan of the elderly–but this just seems a little…much.)

i found it at our local bed, bath and beyond. there’s another model, too. but this one will do
haha.

happy new year!!!